If you want to get laid this Halloween, don’t wear these costumes

When everyone’s wandering around different neighbourhoods, asking for sweets and going to rave parties, it’s natural for people to get laid at a Halloween party or two.

Ghost flying in red cape

However, like the rule of thumb in the world of dating, first impressions always count. Not every spooky costume you’d wear is going to bring all the ladies to the yard; they’d be like ‘my outfit is better than yours.’ You wouldn’t want that to happen to you on your Halloween sex night now, would you? That’s why it’s important to make sure you wear a costume that will make the ladies give you head, and not a smack on the head.

#1 Frankenstein’s Monster

 Not a lot of people like necrophilia, and not a lot of people get turned on at the sight of Frankenstein's Monster
https://giphy.com/gifs/warnerarchive-classic-film-hammer-films-the-curse-of-frankenstein-xTiTnKG6VkQILwqnq8

Before I start this piece off, please, please, PLEASE, get this bit right. Frankenstein is the doctor that made the monster, he’s not the actual monster, so the correct name to give the famous costume is the ‘Frankenstein’s Monster’ outfit. Unless you’re partying with a bunch of people that are into necrophilia, looking like Frankenstein’s Monster will not get you laid on Halloween night; no one wants to feel like they’re getting fucked by a corpse. Really.

#2 Count Dracula

 Even vampires can age, and that includes Count Dracula, who doesn't make the ladies horny anymore.
https://giphy.com/gifs/hoppip-vampire-art-bx7jfGscJsm9a

The only other vampire that’s worse than Count Dracula is Edward Cullen, but let me give you a few reasons why you wouldn’t get laid if you dress up like a bloodsucker from the 1920s. One, no one likes cloaks anymore. Two, no one likes the look of gelled hair anymore. Three, no one gets turned on by your corny Romanian accent when you tell them that you bid them welcome.

Face it, Count Dracula is out, and Eric Northman is in. Well for me, Michael Corvin will always be my number one vampire, even though he’s actually half-vampire, half-werewolf.

#3 Walter White

Walter White is only good to watch on Netflix, not to fuck in your bedroom
http://welcometoyouredoom.tumblr.com/post/136135636980

It’s not that many girls have anything against the iconic character from ‘Breaking Bad’; the anti-hero atmosphere that dominates White was what attracted people to him. But please, not a lot of women would get turned on at the sight of a man in a green shirt and briefs that look like a baby’s nappy, unless they’re into that kind of thing. Additionally, women like subtlety, so having your bulge out for the whole night at your party is only going make women look like they’ve seen a cum stain on their pillow.

#4 Any costume that shows a dick

Any halloween costume that lets you show your dick, or has an attachable dick, will make you look like a dick
http://ucbcomedy.tumblr.com/post/111579168448/he-puts-his-ham-in-her-clam-and-thats-where

Fellas, if you’re going to wear a decent Halloween costume, and still act like a gentleman amongst the ladies, there’s nearly a 100% chance that you would get laid at this year’s ghost party. If you’re going to wear a costume that shows off a dick, or is actually in the shape of a dick, there’s nearly a 100% chance that you would get ugly looks and be turned down for any kind of action. Seriously, if girls want to see a nice, big cock in front of them, they only have to seduce you a bit and take you to their secret bedrooms; they’re not going to find a guy in a dick costume hot enough to fuck. Trust me.

#5 A Tampon

The person that has invented the Halloween tampon costume needs to be shot
https://giphy.com/gifs/fashgif-fashion-fashgif-M5VuEtPHT8naE

No. Just, no. If you’re thinking about wearing one, get the fuck out.

Zoe Jaspers
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Zoe Jaspers

Zoe Jaspers has worked in the adult industry for over a year, but she has already gained a fantastic reputation in the field. As a writer, she is passionate about bringing the reader some of the most interesting blog content around.

She is possibly most famous for her erotic stories, but is equally adept at giving top quality sex advice, all the time bringing in her 'personal experiences'.

When she isn't sharing her most intimate encounters, Zoe keeps herself active by watching videos on Youtube, and listening to music.
Zoe Jaspers
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