Sex doesn’t always go smoothly. Sometimes it does, but other times you’ll find yourself or your partner making mistakes. It happens, and there are a few common mistakes you’ll find repeated over and over again.
Making mistakes is okay. What is more important is that you learn from them and try to fix them when they do happen. It would be nice if ignoring our problems made them go away, but that doesn’t work. We have to actually take action to make those changes.
A recent survey has revealed the most common mistakes people make during sex. Just to make it clear, these are things those surveyed believe their partner needs to work on… and a lot of them can be solved with one surprisingly simple trick.
Small-scale survey
You’ll know by now that I quite like reading the findings of studies. They fascinate me. My biggest problem is that they are often small-scale studies, and so aren’t exactly representative of the general population. That is the case with this latest survey.
Illicit Encounters decided that they wanted to get the thoughts of their users on the subject of sexual mistakes. They asked around 2,000 men and women to name the things that their partner might do that they consider to be a mistake.
For the most part, this is all about preferences and pet peeves more than anything else. They are also fixable in a ridiculously simple way. Yes, each of these common mistakes can be solved using the same technique. But first, let’s look at the mistakes.
Women’s biggest mistakes
The findings have been helpfully put into lists so we can see which problems were the biggest, according to those surveyed. For men, they felt that women failed to initiate sex too much. That mistake sits right at the top of the list, as you can see below. Admittedly, it can be frustrating if you end up initiating all of the time.
Looking at the rest of the list, there are a few items that seem to fit a pattern. As well as failing to initiate sex, women apparently want to have sex in the dark too much, don’t ask for anything new, over-think sex, and are “too timid”.
Essentially, it seems that there is a perceived lack of confidence from the women the surveyed men have been having sex with. I’ll admit that I’ve been that woman before. A few years ago I had no confidence in myself, and sex with the lights out was perfect for me. Would I consider that a mistake a partner makes though? No, I don’t think I would.
Men’s biggest mistakes
For the mistakes men make, we seem to go to the other side of the scale. Instead of a lack of confidence, we find overconfidence. Most of the women surveyed put “skipping on foreplay and rushing straight into full sex” at the top of their list.
Typically, women need longer to warm up to sex, which is why foreplay is important. The problem is that people often see it as a chore, something boring that they don’t want to do. That doesn’t have to be the case. Having fun foreplay can actually be easy, if you know what you’re doing.
Other common mistakes from men include things like talking about their partner’s body, assuming that they know what she wants, and sticking rigidly to a plan “and ignoring her body language”. Like the problems reported by men, the ones reported by women can be fixed with the same solution.
The simple solution
When we encounter problems during sex, it is really easy to put the blame entirely on our partner and just not talk about it. Sex is still a taboo subject, and we have been told that openness about it is bad. In the past, I’ve been shamed by partners for trying to tell them what I want.
And yet that’s the solution to the most common mistakes we make during sex. Open and honest communication can fix a lot. Look at the lists above for example. If your partner is being a bit too crude with the dirty talk, you can tell them. If you feel that they are worried about how they look because they want to turn off the light, tell them that they look amazing.
Actually talking about sex with your partner is a great thing. Yes, it can be difficult to do. It can be even more difficult if you aren’t used to talking about the things that bother you. Something you might find useful is checking out the ‘What’s My Body Doing’ YouTube channel, which has a fantastic and short video offering a few different ways to start that conversation about sex and what you want.
Making those common mistakes
As I said earlier, it is okay to make mistakes during sex, as long as you are willing to fix them. Unless you are skilled at reading people, you won’t instantly know what your partner wants. What is more important is that you can talk about it to try and fix those errors when they come up.
In my personal experience, I’ve been able to tell a casual sex partner that I need more foreplay before we get started. Guess what happened as a result of that talk? I got more foreplay. They were then also able to open up to me about some of the things that they wanted.
Do you have a few other suggestions for talking about sex? If so, share your tips in the comments below. I want to hear from you, so tell us how you might start talking about sex with a new partner.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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