Sex is a lot like birthday cake, because although the act of enjoyment is indeed a sweet celebration, if and when you over indulge, aw man, that sweetness can hurt. Things that feel great and make our body rejoice, still pose a devastating potential to hurt our sexy bodies. Take anything that gives you an extraordinary feeling and chances are, it’s a double edge sword.
For an erotic example, when it comes to sex on the beach, you’re most likely taking a whole lot of bug bites and uncomfortable chaffing from all that sand along with you when you leave that sandy sex scene. The war wounds of shagging in the field are real, and although your body is strong and sexy, it’s also very vulnerable and sensitive.
An injury could range from something as small as a cramp, to something much more problematic and dramatic that requires immediate medical attention. As flexible as you may feel in the throes of the moment while attempting an erotic sexual maneuver, you’re still only human. Your mortal form is prone to experience a sex-related injury if and when you, ahem, over indulge.
Emergency rooms have seen countless sex-related injuries hobble through their double doors. The patients come for medical assistance and end up sharing the erotic story that goes along with their injury. Yep, the emergency room is a strange confessional, and its medical staff must never cease to be amazed with the sex-related stories that they hear on a daily basis. Herein are the smashing stories of sexual athletes that incurred the strangest sex-related injuries while on the playing field.
1. Kiss of deaf
Kissing is harmless, unless it ruptures your ear drum! A young Chinese couple in December 2008 locked lips with so much fervor and passion that the pressure was reduced in the woman’s mouth to the point where her eardrum was ruptured. The China Daily, a local newspaper, reported that the woman in question was expected to regain all her hearing capacity after this temporary kiss of deaf.
2. Burned sexy bits
One couple inadvertently spiced up their love life after dude came home from eating spicy hot food. They got frisky and he went downtown, turning the heat UP in her kitchen until he accidentally burned her sexy bits with his flaming mouth of spice. Spicy, hot food is a powerful aphrodisiac but take care and make sure there’s no remnants left on your lip or tongue if you’re a downtown enthusiast. Want to learn more about other spicy, hot aphrodisiacs? Then check out 13 fantastic aphrodisiacs from around the world.
3. Popped eyeball
A number of sexy people have been recorded popping blood vessels in their eyeballs. A popped blood vessel has the unwanted effects of decreased vision and an unsightly eyesore. With a popped blood vessel in your eyeball, you’ll look a lot like a victim of a mind-blowing, correction, eye-blowing orgasm.
4. Jacuzzi jet gas
A couple was treated at a hospital for having unusual signs of acute onset of abdominal pain. Abdominal pain can be caused by air or gas distending the abdominal cavity. After their wet ‘n wild back story was revealed and embarrassing questions were answered, it was discovered that the Jacuzzi jet’s bubbles were the sexy culprit.
5. Condom cough
A doctor in India saw a patient that complained about a serious cough, runny nose and fever for over half a year. Various medicines didn’t seem to help the problem, until they ran some hospital tests. That’s when they realised that the woman had a condom lodged inside of her lungs. She apparently inhaled it during a safe sex blow job without even realising it. This alleged cold was then re-diagnosed as just plain ‘condumb’
6. Cock snap
Penile fractures are real and not only are they real, they’re common. Vigorous sex can cause the blood vessels in the penis to break at which point a loud SNAP is heard. A broken ding dong is an extremely painful situation that can be avoided if you know what sexual positions to be careful shagging in. Check out what sexy positions you should be wary of in The Most Dangerous Positions for the Cock.
7. Hickey from Hell
A New Zealand woman received a love bite from her lover that freaking gave her a minor stroke. Her lover sucked so hard on her neck that he caused a blood clot to form in an artery, paralyzing her down one side. Luckily doctors were able to treat her before the damage became permanent. This sex-related injury truly sucks!
8. Improvised sex toys that don’t know how to let go
Some people don’t buy sex toys because they’d rather improvise at home. Doctors in emergency rooms have reported all sorts of foreign objects being found lodged inside of their patients. In 2007, over 10,000 people in the UK were treated for a “foreign body entering through eye or other natural orifice.” A Croatian man decided to put a neon light bulb where the sun don’t shine. When he realized it wasn’t such a ‘bright’ idea, he sought a medical professional to shine a light up there and help him fish out the broken fragments.
9. Bum Rap
Sticking stuff up the butt has amused rear end entry enthusiasts for centuries, yet probably not the medical professionals that are left to retrieve the bits that remain behind. The case of a 20-year-old male who sought medical attention after his partner had mixed a batch of concrete and poured it inside his ass with a funnel was reported to the American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology. The result: now the medical world knows that assholes can double as a concrete mixer. The concrete piece weighed 275g and it was lodged inside of his rectal cavity in a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, until medical professionals removed the concrete plug.
10. Bite me
‘Road head’ or a good ‘ol blowjob in the car is great until a car rams into your parked car. That’s exactly what happened to a Singaporean businessman who was sitting inside of a parked car, receiving oral sex from his secretary when the force of the accident’s collision caused her to bite off his penis. All of this was recorded and witnessed by a private eye that had been hired by the secretary’s husband after he expected that she was having an affair.
11. Self love with an engine’s canvas belt
‘Self love’ or masturbation has brought many dudes to the hospital after their creativity backfires something fierce. One bored machinist experienced just that when he decided to stimulate himself by rubbing his groin on an engine’s canvas belt. What felt good for one moment went horribly wrong. He showed up at the hospital with a scrotum swollen ‘twice the size of a grapefruit.’ His tryst with the canvas belt of that engine cost him one testicle and he then tried to bolt his scrotum back together with a staple gun.
After this read, you’ll probably reconsider getting frisky with improvised sex toys and jacuzzi spa jets! What you may have thought was sweet and harmless like a hickey or a kiss, can potentially hurt you. Minimize your damage control and when someone gives you a blow job in a car, for the love of your cock, park somewhere that won’t have the potential to be back ended.
Did these sex related injuries freak you out, or just stir your insatiable curiosity? If it is the latter, then check out this video detailing 10 horrendously Painful Sex Injuries.
Have you ever experienced a weird and unusual sex-related injury? Or do you know some one who has? Don’t you think our kinky community would benefit from hearing about it? Then by all means, stay kinky and tell us all about it in the comments below!
She is certainly most famous for her informative, yet hilarious looks at sex from around the world. However, she is also well known for her erotic stories, as well as her blogs on sexual health, which she sees as vital in helping out men and women everywhere.
When she is not knocking other trending articles out of the park, Gabriella likes walking her pet dog, and eating at nice restaurants.
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