If like me, you were a child of the 80s, you can probably conjure up fond, nostalgic images of the Rubic’s Cube, Teddy Ruxpin, violent block coloured American cartoons and the Sinclair ZX Spectrum. Oh, how I chortled back in 1988 when I acquired a copy of the infamous adult-themed video game, Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards, my young imagination running wild at the pixelated images of a big-titted babe being chatted up by the eponymous 40 something sad-sack that was the title’s protagonist.
Around the time, I had busted yet another Kempston joystick by throwing it at the wall in sheer frustration, probably due to getting my head chopped off (again) in a game of Barbarian, so I sought out other ways to make my own fun, as kids had the capacity to do back in those days. During a game of hide and seek with my younger brother, I clambered up onto a stool in my parents’ bedroom seek sanctuary within a top built-in cupboard unit. However, rather than evading detection, I shouted to my brother in exclamation that he needed to get his arse into the room now so that he could see what I had discovered…
‘The Stash’
As I lifted up the cupboard door, it became apparent that I had stumbled upon a goldmine of adult entertainment! There must have been 200+ VHS and Betamax video tapes with strips of white masking tape labelling them in various titles of innuendo, crudely scrawled in what I assume was green felt tip pen. My parents were working and entrusted us with the duties of housekeeping during their absence, so we half-heartedly washed the dishes, vacuumed the living room and tidied up to make time to ‘discover’ the wonderment that is the female form, in all it’s black and hairy, wet and sticky glory. Yeah, it’s a little weird, but my brother and I watched in awe, the grainy, bright pink and dark greyed, glistening images of what was raw 70s and 80s pornography.
“Is he hurting her?” was my brother’s initial reaction to the groans and moans of the naked lady, until he was promptly reassured that this was pleasure, not pain upon hearing the words, “Oh yeah, fuck me more! Fuck me harder!” We also learned that day that no matter how many times you call out a plumber, they never fix that fucking sink either. Now we knew why.
The Evolution of Porn
It was the 1990s, and now I was sat in my bedroom that featured a cheap reinvention of a ‘retro’ lava lamp, Gothic candlebras pretentiously mounted the wall, Greenday blaring profanities on my micro CD system and posters of 2000 AD characters and half naked women decorating the room. This room was my sanctuary and the place where I often ‘self-discovered’ myself several times a day, evident from the cum-sock stashed down the side of my bed. My father’s stash had reduced in volume somewhat, but not in number, as each one of his mucky videos was replaced with a now DVD version, a new catalogue of pornography to tantalise my teenage taste buds!
When I first played one of these DVDs on our very expensive and illusive second-hand DVD player (on my own this time!), it was apparent that times had changed somewhat. No longer did the ladies and gents starring in these productions look like the band members of ABBA, no longer was porn wet and hairy and no longer did a black and white vertical line dance up and down the middle of the screen, this was better; MUCH better! The women were younger looking and much more attractive, and no dodgy perms and mullets either… upstairs OR downstairs!
“Shocking!”
Everything was manicured, smooth and pink, which was great, because at least now I could see where everything went, not just a clashing of two black, hairy mounds that looked like a fight-scene from Critters. I also didn’t have to fast-forward to the good bits as much because the cheesy dialogue had been reduced somewhat to accommodate for more pretentious moaning and groaning. However, intrigue turned to shock when the dude rammed his gut-stick up the woman’s rusty-Sheriff’s badge; I remember thinking, “What the fuck is he doing?! She shits from that hole!” I then also discovered that 90s women had a penchant for gargling the stud’s ‘liquid kids’, again, watching in dismay at just how graphic and nonchalant everything was.
One day, out of the blue, I was disheartened to discover a new pad-lock on the porn cupboard door, so I sought other ways to get my jollies. Towards the latter part of the 90s, my parents had kindly subscribed to Sky television, and it was an exciting time as we had the movie package that included Sky Movies Plus, Sky Movies Gold and The Movie Channel. One night, whilst trying to find MTV (before it became shite), I chanced upon a German channel, Sat-1, and discovered that after 10pm, there was two hours of soft core pornography. Okay, so I didn’t get the advertised anal close ups that I came to encounter, but I could still enjoy the glorious sites of tits and ass, with the occasional glimpse of trimmed-clopper thrown in for good measure. No longer did I have to rely on the underwear section of the glossy brochures that came in the post, I could watch people shagging the good old fashioned way again. I also discovered that at midnight, there was a ten minute preview on the Adult Channel, and to be fair, I only needed three minutes, so it was occasionally a race against time for ‘round two’.
This was also the year that I first met the internet. My mate in college encouraged me to visit the library with him to check out this amazing source of information. He booted up the computer and clicked on ‘Internet Explorer’ and we waited. And waited. And waited. I was getting impatient, asking, “Okay, so what the fuck is supposed to happen?” He reassured me that this was worth the wait. A screen eventually loaded up, row by row, revealing a page that prompted my to search for something. “Go ahead,” my friend insisted, so I typed ‘Joanne Guest’, the famous 90s page 3 pin up. To my horror, in full view of everyone, a scantily clad image of the big-jugged beauty slowly unveiled, bit by bit, until we discovered that she wasn’t scantily clad, she had bugger all on at all, legs akimbo, full burger shot exposed to the point that you could almost taste it!
After being briskly frog-marched out of the college library by a very pissed off 50 something female librarian, I knew that the internet was a another goldmine of where I could indulge in my perverted fantasies.
The Naughty Nought-ies
By the 00s, I had become a man and had contact with a real lady and everything, but this did not curb my porn-viewing enthusiasm. Mobile phones were the way forward; the pager went in the bin and my Nokia brick found a home in box in a cupboard somewhere (not the stash cupboard!), making way for my first mutli-media mobile phone. It was a blessing and a curse, a blessing in the sense that I could use blue-tooth to swap dirty video clips with my mates, but a curse in the sense that my father was asking me to help him do likewise. Oh, the shame!
That aside, my parents finally met the 20th century and got an internet package for our household PC. When they were working, I was wanking to the plethora of filth at my disposal. The shock of anal sex and cum-guzzling had long subsided, and become the norm, and my cock often ended up looking like a chewed Peperami before the night’s end. I did have to persevere though, as waiting for each video was painstaking due to the basic ADSL connection at the time, much to the point where I had to brew up and put something on the telly for a good 20 minutes. This meant wanking was never spontaneous, it became premeditated and had also become part of a daily routine, like I had to allocated an hour for it when chance permitted.
Eventually I met a woman, moved out, bought a house, had kids, the full enchilada. To my delight, broadband was available in the area. Yes, I used my computer to store and share photographs, email and access online banking, but it was also used a lot for online wanking! Searching for porn had just upped an ante, with many channels and networks competing against each other for my viewing pleasure. It went from trying to find porn on the internet to trying to evade it, as it was TOO accessible!
As time went by, porn started to be pushed out in HD quality, and watching people bang was almost like being in the room with them; you could see every muscle twitch and spasm, you could see everything glisten and no more did the pleasuring moans of content sound like an echo in the Cavern Club. Everything was crisp and crystal clear, and things on the monitor were almost as real and fleshy as my own meat. This was the way forward now!
Monotony
Today, porn is so mainstream that pretty much everyone is watching it behind closed doors, from teenagers to 50 year old housewives, which is evident from the number of people fucking, sucking and jerking on the superabundance of webcam sites. It seems that people are looking for another way to get their rocks off as opposed to watching what now seems to be the ‘ritual’ of the porn world. People are now interacting and ‘tipping’ people from all corners of the Earth to do things at their behest. I for one have certainly found that porn now is boring and repetitive, and that I have seen it all before. Teenagers now think sex isn’t fulfilling until they have bummed, withdrew and popped their population paste all over their poor, enduring girlfriends’ faces, who are under pressure to appear to be enjoying it, even if they don’t. It is a far cry from the days when Victorian fathers would ‘retire to their studies’ to visualise the fine ankles of a lady they had inadvertently stepped into the chambers of by mistake as she was putting on her stockings. Nothing is left to the imagination any more, and things can often be dull and repetitive.
The Innovation of Porn
That said, porn is still a very lucrative business and most people, men and women alike, are sexually motivated. You can’t fight human nature! Porn directors have tried a variety of ways to make porn more innovative, such as ‘passionate porn’, focusing more on the intimacy of sex with sensual kissing, careful caressing and subtle moaning, rather than some big-dick Dave ploughing some poor lass balls-deep until he brims her full of man-fat while she goes crossed-eyed and screams for her life. There is also Point of View porn, known as POV, whereby the lucky recipient of a lovely lady mouth-hugging his manhood holds the camera in such a way that the viewer feels part of the action.
There are also porn DVDs that are ‘interactive’, so as the action is happening, you can select the option of what you want the stars to do, switching between scenes in an order and at a pace as you would do if you were the lucky bastard drilling the hottie. There are often a choice of ‘money shots’ to choose from, so you can see the load blasted all over her face or across her arse. Ah, the agony of choice!
Oculus: The Next-Gen of Porn
The other day, I had the pleasure of viewing porn in a much more unique way. Now that we are in the 21st century, porn too has adapted to the ever-evolving technology, and thanks to the introduction of 3D viewing technology, you can really feel part of the action. A friend of mine introduced me to his Oculus headset, a piece of technology really intended for gaming. The Oculus is a headset with view goggles, incorporated with motion-tracking technology, meaning that when when you move your head, you can actually look around a virtual environment in full 3D!
The headset was plugged into my mate’s desktop PC. I donned the headset and could see darkness with a video control HUB display. I heard the click of a mouse and was instructed to ‘look around’. I moved my head until I saw a naked torso in front of me with a big pair of tits, a shaven mound and a stud driving his massive chopping into her. I was, in effect, stood where the woman’s head would be. Looking down, I could enjoy the circular, perpetual motion of her massive jugs as the guy plunged his girth in and out of her. It was weird, as when I looked up, this bloke was looking me straight in the eye with a big toothy-grin on his face, and I quickly realised that I was the woman that was getting shafted!
As my expressed wonderment and intrigue, it occurred to me that I must have looked like a right twat to my mate, who was laughing out loudly at me in the ‘real’ world. To him, I was stood in the middle of the room with a camera strapped to my face looking around and giving an enthusiastic narrative of what was happening. That said, it really, really did feel like I was in the room, and as much as I enjoyed ogling at the beautiful breasts of this fine figure, it felt very awkward with this guy making direct eye-contact with me, like he was staring into my soul as he ploughed into this writing torso. As he withdrew his tackle, it sprang towards my face, so in reflex, I too sprang backwards to avoid being ‘Smurfed’ or spat in the eye with his ball-venom.
Cumclusion
Admittedly, all ‘nearly-being-hit-in-the-face-by-a-big-dick’ aside, I have to say that for me, 3D porn has injected me (poor choice of words) with a new sense of intrigue when it comes to watching adult-entertainment.
Did it feel real? Yes. Did it feel more intimate? Erm, yes, perhaps a little too so in this situation! Would I buy this technology? Well, if the price was right, it wouldn’t take much persuasion, but I would ensure that next time, this would be done in the pleasure of my own company and the choice of porn would be very different; if this was a hot woman looking me in the eye without the clamber of laughter in the background from an audience, the whole experience would inevitably be very different.
To conclude, 3D porn is definitely a breath of fresh air and a much more interactive way of enjoying porn, but it has to be said, no matter how for technology advances, it will never be a substitute for the real thing. Nothing can compare to the warmth, the feel and the scent of a real life woman pleasuring my penis, although single guys that are having a bit of a drought in the sack will certainly find the Oculus a close second alternative.
Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.
When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
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