That nefarious bastard behind the collapse of the world trade towers had a hell of a porn collection, according to documents from the legendary raid on the renegade’s compound in 2011. Amongst his belongings, they found a whole bunch of stuff that would suggest if not a love, then at least a keen interest in Western culture. These include a library of English books and a whole catalogue of adult magazines.

Twisted Pervert

Alas, as much as we’d all love to see what sort of twisted pervert Bin Laden was, the powers that be are restricting access. Maybe it’s true that sometimes you get aroused by the things you hate. Like those guys that beat up homosexuals because they’re repressing some deep homosexual desires themselves. Bin Laden hated Western culture because he was excluded from its boundless brilliance; he never received invitations to the popular boy’s house party and he was never asked to the prom. This is the type of deep psychological harm that turns people into internationally-pursued criminals; but deep down all the confused chap wished for was to be able to able to enjoy Spring Break with his few friends.

The true travesty is we’ll never be privy to the workings of Bin Laden’s sex-bent mind thanks to the porn collection being located in an “operational file”. Essentially, this means that it is exempt from disclosure under the Freedom of International Act (FOIA), no matter how much time passes. Once again the American’s obsession with secrecy has ruined everybody’s good time. This was the one rare opportunity for the public to see the pseudo-human behind the devastating terrorist acts that he planned and plotted from his dank and miserable cave, so far away from the images of beautiful woman that he had cultivated in his messed up head.

Speaking of the news, Steven Aftergood, the director of the Project on Government Secrecy, said: “It seems like a stretch to call these pornographic materials operational files. Although they may have been obtained in the course of an operation, they do not have anything to do with the planning or conduct of the operation. So they don’t really fit the definition of an operational file in the CIA Information Act.”

‘Extensive’

Meanwhile, known website BroBible has made it their mission to release the material, which has been deemed ‘explicit’ and ‘extensive’ by anonymous US government officials.
In a request made to the appropriate authorities, they stated: “We are adults. We can handle it (the material). We would like to know what kind of porn the world’s most wanted man jerked it to. Does being under the constant threat of capture require extra stimulation?”

We wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment. We also want to know what sort of human stresses this sexually-repressed champion of stupidity suffered under. Maybe, when he felt his end was near, he generally regretted being a massive dick to the entire world, and could only funnel that frustration through vigorous and regular rounds of masturbation.