Joke of the day

[whiteball]

I asked my daughter to give me the phone book. She laughed at me, called me a dinosaur and lent me her iphone. So the spider is dead, the iphone is broken and my daughter is furious.

[whiteball]

Had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath..... when all of a sudden..... I felt a tab on my shoulder.....I felt a right drip afterwards.

[Rockerman]

Decided to put this here to be fucking ironic...

There was a mass shooting in Nigeria with they're saying over 50 dead including children. The western media has more or less ignored this as in they don't give a fuck. Sky News is just all the poxy fucking Queen (never did a tap her whole life), America self obsessed as usual. They don't shut the fuck up about Ukraine, but fuck Nigeria basically. I thought it was news worthy...a dreadful situation. The agenda in the west is warped! R.I.P. to the poor souls in Nigeria.

Apologies for being completely off topic in this thread (no replies please...this is the joke thread.)

[whiteball]

Little Suzie had a terrible problem of falling asleep in Sunday school. One day, she was dozing off as usual when the teacher asked her. ''Suzie, who was Jesus's mother?'' Suzie, being asleep, didn't answer. It was then that little Johnny, who sat at the desk right behind her took out his ball point pen and jabbed her from behind. She perked up and shouted, ''Mary mother of Jesus!'' ''Correct!'' The teacher replied. Little Suzie went back off to sleep. A while latter the teacher called on little Suzie again by asking, ''Suzie, who is our one and only savior?'' Once again she didn't reply, so Johnny did as he did before by jabbing her in the back with the pen again. She sat up and shouted, '' JESUS CHRIST!'' ''Correct'' said the teacher, and Suzie went off to sleep again. More time passed until the teacher asked Suzie, ''Suzie, what did Eve say to Adam after their 23rd child?'' Johnny pricked her in the back again so Suzie got up and shouted, ''IF YOU STICK THAT THING INTO ME ONE MORE TIME, I SWEAR I'LL BREAK IT IN TWO!'' The teacher fainted.

[joggon]

[joggon]

[whiteball]

Mates wife was cleaning their 12 year old sons bedroom and finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags she asks her husband; ''What do I do?'' hubby says ''I'm no expert but I wouldn't fucking spanking.''

[whiteball]

After being married for thirty years a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said, ''You're A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K.'' She asked... ''What does that mean?'' He said, ''Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.'' She smiled happily and said... '' Oh that's so lovely... What about I,J,K!'' He said, ''I'm Just Kidding!'' The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about his family jewels.

[whiteball]

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour.
Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, ''Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.''
No, it's not that,'' the man replies, wiping his tears, '' this day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do noting. I get cab to go home, and when I get out, I can't remember where I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives
away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an to my life, you show up and
drink my poison.''

[whiteball]

AFTERNOON SEX
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon ''quickie'' with their 8-year son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the
neighbourhood activities.
''There's a car being towed from the parking lot.'' he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation; ''An ambulance just drove by!''
''Looks like the Andersons have company.'' he called out. ''Matts riding his new bike!''
''Looks like the Sanders are moving!'' ''Jason is on his board!'' After a few moments he announced. '' The Coopers are having sex!!''
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out. ''How do you know they're having sex?''
''Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle.''