Joke of the day

[Forrest]

[Forrest]

[emmasweet]

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year,
wouldn't you go mad, too?"

[Dirty Harry]

i was standing in a public urinal this morning having a piss when a guy beside me says what a dick! i felt a little uncomfortable at first but i eventually said thanks yours is nice too.the guy looked at me with a puzzled look and it was then i noticed a blue tooth device sticking out of his fucking ear

[royaler]

​For all the Harley heads!!

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson,
died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur.
‘Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world,
your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said,
'I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented,
'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '
Arthur said,
'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented:
'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution
and can't run without a road?'
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke,
'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
God said, 'Ah, yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional,
you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words
and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur,
'but according to these numbers, ....more men are riding my invention than yours...!!!'.

[jamieboyo]

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

[royaler]

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex...

#10.... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged..
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04.... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

[royaler]

The Back Door ????

I was having sex with this woman over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, It's my husband! Quick, try the back door! . . ..thinking back, I really should have legged it but you don't get offers like that every day.

[royaler]

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I had sex with this bird called Penny spooky or what?

[UB40]

First Tiger Woods, then Lance Armstrong, and now Oscar Pistorius. I think Nike should start telling their athletes "Don't Do It"