Shades of Cheating

[AmyTantraMassage]

If any typos above, oh well. The advance option button is just too much work and I prefer the struggle screen in quick reply.

[AmyTantraMassage]

Very interesting. Frankly, i admire couples who have the openness in their relationships to talk about something as complex as this..i wonder if it's easier to convince your partner than it is to accept it yourself. More power to those who do :-)

It's not about convincing, that seems more like ligh coercion to me. It's about coming to an understanding and if that doesn't go well, them compromise. No ultimatum, just a raw and honest conversation about expectations, needs and being able to see each others view points.

[AngelsFan]

I have loads of couples, some of whom book in individually. In some cultures, like Japan, if it's a paid service, it's not cheating. With most Europeans, as long as it's not someone they both like it can come out of individual spending money (again, I've couples that only see me when together and the boundary is I'm not to book one without the other, not even for a professional massage). When I book clients, I speak 90% with the woman. She sets the pace and her comfort comes 1st, because she might go along with it to please him but a few days/weeks/months later....

For me, kissing is cheating. It's my love language so that's a hard rule. So is confiding in her, especially things he won't tell me, even if they're about me. I'm ok with sex, especially stuff I won't do (can not stand the texture of precum/cum in my mouth, WILL NEVER do anal so he can go to someone else) and same if he wants to go to an escort (it can't be someone we socialise with/know - again, emotional cheating possibility- one he might not be aware of). I love going to strip clubs and taking turns paying, I'm good going g to sex parties, love them. His pleasure will be my pleasure I LOVE watching. I HATE being lied to. Of he wants to go do something, tell me, don't lie, coz once I start questioning my trust for him.

As I'm always saying, just because you've found your fave meal, even if it's cooked with different flavours and textures sometimes, it's unfeasible and unhealthy to expect someone to always only eat the same meal. Mix it up. Make jambo or try something completely different as long as, should your fav meal stop being your fav meal, or it's not seasoned enough anymore or at all, or you need a break from it, honesty is paramount.

The problem with women in this country is, once they're with a guy, they somehow expect him to stop being attracted to other women. Or ignore the things she won't do but he likes. Women, we're mostly about imagination (it's why most of us love smut books
that and all kinks in it are 'safe', like how alpha wold zaddy can choke me as i cum, whereas irl, nah you ain't allowed to apply pressure, it's about hand placement .... whilst men are more visual. I can vividly imagine myself with Henry Cavill and if a guy can't handle that, because, then it's cheating too no?

So it's not and never about the action, it's about how your partner feels about said action.

Most women have low self esteem and blame low libido. Then when they've no interest, they literally ignore how they're partner still needs that. The physicality and connection and release of it all. Because if they do t acknowledge it... and that's beyond d selfish. Both parties are to blame because that should be discussed along with all future plans like kids, using a house etc. For a Catholic country, dunno why pre-marriage counselling was never mandatory.

Great post. Deals honestly with the realities of long term relationships.

As far as I am aware, Catholic couples pre marriage do undergo a short marriage guidance course, but it's given by a priest : who have sworn a vow of celibacy and have never been with a woman or been married.
Very useful that 🙄

[ford pefect]

It's not about convincing, that seems more like ligh coercion to me. It's about coming to an understanding and if that doesn't go well, them compromise. No ultimatum, just a raw and honest conversation about expectations, needs and being able to see each others view points.

Have you ever tried to talk to an Irish woman about sex, in my experience she will agree with you and promise to make more of an effort just to stop the conversation, then nothing changes.
Just my experience anyway.

[Clubcard]

I once had to go to a different barber as mine was out sick. I felt like I was being disloyal and felt like I was cheating on him.
But the new guy did a cracking job, kinda full works. Nice haircut. Eyebrows trimmed, ear hair trim, nose hair trim and had great coffee and conversation.

I still go to my old barber!!

[Larrii]

A lot of guys marry or live together on the understanding that there will be sex several times a week. After all, she is the girl of their dreams. She's on a pedestal. Then it becomes several times a year. Maybe that's where the cheating starts? Or it's not cheating, but its different to expectations and what you were led to believe?

But for most of us, we go along with it, because her Da is your boss, the kids, a house, her maiden aunt who likes you both lives in a huge house in Foxrock, whatever, there's too much to give up for a roll in the hay with someone else. The guy who tries it on with a lady at work is double bad, due to visibility and the risk to his career, and anyway she may be lousy in the sack.


The French understand better that marriages are mainly social contracts, and often the guy will disappear after work for a "Cinq á Sept", 5pm-7pm. Another lady will sort him out that way, and then he is happy and relaxed for dinner.

[gjetson468]

I once had to go to a different barber as mine was out sick. I felt like I was being disloyal and felt like I was cheating on him.
But the new guy did a cracking job, kinda full works. Nice haircut. Eyebrows trimmed, ear hair trim, nose hair trim and had great coffee and conversation.

I still go to my old barber!!

😂 You mean the new barber wasn't necessarily better.... Just different

[gjetson468]

A lot of guys marry or live together on the understanding that there will be sex several times a week. After all, she is the girl of their dreams. She's on a pedestal. Then it becomes several times a year. Maybe that's where the cheating starts? Or it's not cheating, but its different to expectations and what you were led to believe?

But for most of us, we go along with it, because her Da is your boss, the kids, a house, her maiden aunt who likes you both lives in a huge house in Foxrock, whatever, there's too much to give up for a roll in the hay with someone else. The guy who tries it on with a lady at work is double bad, due to visibility and the risk to his career, and anyway she may be lousy in the sack.


The French understand better that marriages are mainly social contracts, and often the guy will disappear after work for a "Cinq á Sept", 5pm-7pm. Another lady will sort him out that way, and then he is happy and relaxed for dinner.

I've observed that I avail to paid services less when my sex life is more active at home. Yet, it doesn't stop, just gets lesser.
So, I'm unsure if it's to do with frequency. What I am fairly sure of is that once you step out, it's hard to stop.

[Silvergrey25]

Having read a few different sides of the coin in this thread be it about the physical, or mental aspects summarized very eloquently in different ways. if you know your partner isn't okay with it and yet you choose to do it and conceal it from them. Surely that is the essence of cheating.Sure there's lots of things people are okay with or can reason out if there's good communication and understanding etc. But what defines cheating is doing something you know they'd never be okay with and hiding it from them.
I'm sure there are more eloquent ways of wording it .

[Rooney2808]

But what defines cheating is doing something you know they'd never be okay with and hiding it from them.

That's it, 100%