Crap joke of the day

[whiteball]

After my funeral I want one of my
friends to take my phone and text
everyone, "Thanks for coming."

[whiteball]

If you're bored and want to add some
excitement to your day. Call a woman's
rights group and ask to speak to the
man in charge.

[whiteball]

My wife said I should do lunges to
stay in shape. That would be a big
step forward.

[whiteball]

Why do fathers take an extra pair of
socks when they go golfing? In case
they get a hole in one.

[whiteball]

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower
have in common? They're both Paris
sites.

[UnFulfilledScott]

It was a long flight to India and Albert Einstein was seated next to an Indian guy, who was about to have a nap.
The master of time and space set about alleviating the oncoming boredom thus :

"Let's play a game. I'll ask you one question, if you can't answer, you'd have to pay me 5£. However, if you ask me a question and I, with my years of knowledge and wisdom, can't answer, then I'll pay you 5000£."
The Indian guy readily agreed.
Einstein asked, "What's the distance from the Moon to the Earth?". The Indian guy was dumbstruck. He chuckled and then pulled out 5£ and gave it to Einstein.

As it was his turn now, the Indian guy asked, "Name an animal, who goes up on a mountain with 4 legs and comes back with 3."

Einstein was devastated and baffled. Even with all his expertise, wisdom and knowledge, he just could not answer that question. Einstein, infuriated, pulled out 5000£ from his wallet and gave it to the Indian man.
Einstein was desperate to know the answer. "So now you tell me, what's the name of the animal who goes up on a mountain with 4 legs and comes back with 3?"

The Indian guy gave 5£ to Einstein and went back to sleep.

[whiteball]

A priest is driving down the road when he comes
across a pig lying dead in the road.
He contacts the police to inform them of his find.
A cocky desk sergeant laughed and said, "Did you
give it the last rites."
"No," said the priest, "I thought I'd inform his next of kin first."

[whiteball]

Paddy says to Mick, "I'm ready for a holiday,
but this year I'm going to do it a bit different."
"Three years ago I went to Spain and my wife
Mary got pregnant, two years ago I went to
Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went
to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."
Mick asks, "So what are you going to do different
this year?"
Paddy replies, "I'll take her with me!"

[Stephanie]

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower
have in common? They're both Paris
sites.

Ahhhhhhh ! That took me a Day ! 😱 😂

[whiteball]

A guy took his girlfriend to the prom. He waited in the
ticket line for a really long time but got the tickets. He
went to rent a limo and waited at the rental line for a
long time, but he eventually rented it. He went to buy
flowers for his date and the line at the florist was really
long, but finally, he got the flowers.
At the prom, she asked him to go get some punch. He
went to the refreshment table, and there was no punchline.