Married Bliss

[Forrest]

Marriage is an attempt to turn a night owl into a homing pigeon!


A man was lamenting to the bartender that he met his wife in a brothel.
"You shouldn't be so unhappy about it," the barman said, "It's actually really romantic."
"Oh, yeah?" replied the guy. "Well, I thought she was home taking care of the kids and
she thought I was bowling. And to clinch it all, the madame wouldn't give me my money
back and refused to give me another girl."



A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his grumpy wife
waiting for him with a rolling pin. "Where the hell have you been?" she asked.
"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he said. "I've just lost you in a card game."
"How did you manage to do that, genius?" she asked sarcastically.
"It wasn't easy, to be honest," he told her. "I had to fold with a royal flush."

[ERIKA LOVEFORU]

the second one its the best......

[Forrest]

I said to my wife last night, "I fancy a takeaway".
She said, "Are you talking Chinese?"
I said, "No, did it sound Chinese?"


I was sat on the sofa watching TV, flicking around,
until I finally found Mr Bean.
Or "The clitoris", as my wife calls it.


Jonathan Ross says to his wife: "Wank Me."
His wife replies: "Seven Out Of Ten."

[Forrest]

[emmasweet]

A man and a woman are in bed then the telephone rings and she answers - Yes, dear,.... ok ... no problem .... by by. One man asks - Who was that dear? -My husband said that delays in the city, as have dinner with you ....

[Forrest]

My greatest fear is there is no such thing as PMS
and this is my wife's true personality!!!!


I got my wife a bag and belt for her birthday.
The Hoover works fine now.


There really is no pleasing some women.
I recently put up a bird table. My wife went fuc*in mad...
I don't know why... I gave her 6 out of 10, which is more than fair..

[Forrest]

One weekend four married guys went golfing. During the 4th hole, the following conversation took place.

First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend.
I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continued to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.
So they asked him. "You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come
golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?"

Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the
wife a nudge and said, "Golf course or Intercourse?" She said, "Don’t forget your sweater.’

[Rachel Divine]

Congratulations Forrest! Cant say one of them is not funny....each one put a smile on my face!!
Thank you...

[Forrest]

Congratulations Forrest! Cant say one of them is not funny....each one put a smile on my face!!
Thank you...

Thanks Rachel. That's very nice of you. Glad you enjoyed them.


Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses and lies on the bed spreadeagled and
says "You know what I want don’t you?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "By the looks of it, the whole fu*kin bed !"

[emmasweet]

One worker, young, healthy, 3 years married, has four children and a stay on the floor. Downstairs sits a cop, married for 12 years but without children. At one point he asked the worker:
- But, you're married for 3 years and already have four children? We are married for so long but could not make kids. Do not have a tip for me?
- Simple. You need only a soap and a broom.
- Yes, well, soap and a broom. Proceed?
- Tonight, when I get back from work, a put your wife in the shower, wash with soap and a top to bottom ...
- Yes yes yes yes! From top till feets.And then?
- Then you get off the ceiling and immediately sweep