Joke of the day

[emmasweet]

A 90 Year Old gentleman visits the doctor's office and says

"Doc, I want to live another 20 years"**

The Doctor asks:"Do you drink?"*

"No"

"Do you smoke?"

"No"

"Do you do any drugs?"

"No"

"Do you chase women?"

"No"

"Then why do you want to live another 20 years????

[Barney Rubble]

Emma, I just logged in to thank your last two posts.
Both very very funny and thanks for bringing a bit of humour to the forum.
Never met you but I really love your sense of humour - keep it up please !x

[emmasweet]

Emma, I just logged in to thank your last two posts.
Both very very funny and thanks for bringing a bit of humour to the forum.
Never met you but I really love your sense of humour - keep it up please !x

Thank u Barney

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman".
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.
"The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.
"The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!
"The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"

[jerryc]

Emma, I just logged in to thank your last two posts.
Both very very funny and thanks for bringing a bit of humour to the forum.
Never met you but I really love your sense of humour - keep it up please !x

Emma is good with the jokes, always have a laugh reading her jokes.

[hadaway]

Barney Rubble and Mr SweetGuy were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole, and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working all day furiously without rest, our Barney digging the hole, Mr Sweets filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don’t get it – why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?”

Barney wiped his brow and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today Willie Wacher who plants the trees called in sick.'”

[Barney Rubble]

Barney Rubble and Mr SweetGuy were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole, and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working all day furiously without rest, our Barney digging the hole, Mr Sweets filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don’t get it – why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?”

Barney wiped his brow and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today Willie Wacher who plants the trees called in sick.'”

Sounds normal enough, I do all the hard work as usual !

[hadaway]

Father Jack went to the Doctors and said “do you treat alcoholics”, The Doctor replied, “of course we do”……… Jack said “ Great, get your coat on, I’m feckin skint "

[emmasweet]

Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."
Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."


Girl: "Hey, what's up?"
Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"


Q: Three words to ruin a man's ego...?
A: "Is it in?"

[emmasweet]

Q: What's the difference between being hungry and being horny?
A: Where you put the cucumber.

Q: What do a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common?
A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets!!

[Johnny9719]

Good jokes 😂