Joke of the day

[UB40]

It's in England!
Unfortunately, this isn't a joke, and it isn't funny.

Of course it's a joke and it is funny.

However unwanted pregnancies and no possibility of an abortion is no joke - that I agree with!

[willie wacker]

[willie wacker]

[Dirty Harry]

I was chatting up a girl in the pub before when this bloke came over.
You do realise this is my girlfriend don't you
wanna take it outside?

Of course I do am hardly gonna try and fuck her in here.

[Dirty Harry]

I walked into Ann Summers
today-
"I'd like to return the wifes dildo please" I said "swap it for a bigger one,"
Am sorry sir but there's no exchange or return on dildoes" said the assistant "its our hygiene policy

Oh dont worry about that I told her it didn't even touch the sides

[willie wacker]

[Forrest]

Jerry has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years because of a fear he had a monster under his bed.
Been years since he had a good night's sleep, progress has been very poor and he knew it every night that
the monster would return. So, he decides to cancel seeing the Psychoanalyst and try something different.
A few weeks later, Jerry runs into his former Psychoanalyst at Starbucks.
The Psychoanalyst is clearly surprised to see Jerry looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful.
Jerry says to him, "My monster problem is cured, and I feel great"
"That is great news!" the Psychoanalyst says. " How did you do it?"
Jerry replied "I went to see another doctor and he cured me in just ONE session! My new doctor is a behaviorist."
The Psychoanalyst asks "How did he cure you in just session?"
Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed"

[Forrest]

Patient to the eye doctor: "Whenever I drink coffee, I get this sharp, excruciating, pain in my eye."
Doctor Replies: "Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking."

[emmasweet]

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth.
A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles
in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?

[willie wacker]