Letters to the council

[imnotscotish]

extracts from letters written to local councils

1.its the dogs mess that i find hard to swallow
2,i want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off
3,i wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage
4,their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence
5,i wish to report the ties are missing from the outside toilet roof. i think it was the bad wind that blew them off.
6,my lavatory seat is cracked,where do i stand?
7,i am writing on behalf of my sink,which is coming away from the wall
8,will you please send someone to mend the gardn path. my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant
9,i request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
10,50% of the wall is damp,50%have crumbling plaster and 50% are just plain filthy
11,i am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers
12,the toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared
13,will you please send a man to look at my water,it is a funny colour and not fit to drink
14,our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in 3 pieces
15,i want to complain about the farmer across the road. every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me
16,the man next door has a large erection in the back garden,,which is unsightly and dangerous
17,our kitchen floor is damp. we have 2 children and would like a third,so please send someone round to do somethng about it
18,i am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do somethng about the noise made by the man on top of me every night
19,please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife
20,i have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but i still have no satisfaction
21,this is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we cant get BBC2
22,my bush is overgrown round the front and my back passage has a fungus growing in it
23,his got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and i cant take any more........

lol............

[gentelmandave]

No. 15 and 19 are so funny