Joke of the day

[Dirty Harry]

myself and paddy get a pilot to fly us to canada to hunt moose we manage to bag six moose. But as we're loading the plain the pilot says he can only carry four moose.the two of us object strongly last year we got six i said the pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours reluctantly the pilot gives in and all six moorse are loaded however on take off the little plane can't handle the load crashing into the wilderness somehow paddy and myself survive the crash paddy asks me any idea where we are mick? I said i think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year?

[Dirty Harry]

paddy sitting on train across from blonde in a mini skirt he soon realises she is going commando r u looking at my fanny she asks yes i'm sorry says paddy its ok she says its very talented watch i can make it blow you a kiss and then wi
nk at you he stares in amazement as the fanny first blows him a kiss then winks at him come sit next to me she says would you like to stick 2 fingers in fucking hell he says can it whistle as well.

[Dirty Harry]

i went into a library and asked the man if he had a book on directions he said sorry mate this is the butchers.

[emmasweet]

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!".

[max california]

I went to se the doctor today after I hur my penis in a surfing accident.
"Did you fall on the board?" he said.
"No, I slammed the laptop shut" I said.

[mer]

tell ya a really really dirt joke muck!!

[Rod Stewart]

paddy sitting on train across from blonde in a mini skirt he soon realises she is going commando r u looking at my fanny she asks yes i'm sorry says paddy its ok she says its very talented watch i can make it blow you a kiss and then wi
nk at you he stares in amazement as the fanny first blows him a kiss then winks at him come sit next to me she says would you like to stick 2 fingers in fucking hell he says can it whistle as well.

better every time Harry keep them coming

[imnotscotish]

After Daylight Savings Time ended recently, I stopped in to visit
my dyslexic friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

I said to him, "You idiot!

You're supposed to turn your clock back!





The wife bought me a lovely new Rolex for my 40th birthday.

"Do you like it?" she said.

"It's great!" I said "it will remind me of your fanny".

She laughed "is that because it’s exclusive and sexy?”

I replied "Nah, it’s a bit loose round my wrist!"

[skywalker85]

I was down in the
Gym this morning when
I noticed a hole in one of
my trainers big enough to get
my finger in.

Anyway, she's made a
Formal Complaint...



I was in Tesco with my bird,
and in front of everyone
she suddenly shouted ''Your nothing
but a lazy Bastard!''

I almost fell out of the
trolley in shock!!

[peepintom]

i'm trying to give up masturbating......i reckon i can pull it off