Joke of the day

[whiteball]

Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, Bought new shoes for her wedding.
During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the
day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they
retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling
please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me!" Her ever-obedient Prince
of Wales attacked her right shoes with vigor, but it would not budge.
"Harder," yelled Camilla, "Harder!"
Charles yelled back, !I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" She cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed,
"There oh God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, See I told you
with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"
Meanwhile, in the next room, Charles tried to remove her left shoe, and cried,
"Oh God, darling. This one's even tighter!"

[phunbill]

That's a very old one, it was Charles and Diana's wedding night, Phillip had a glass to the wall and when Charles said 'this ones even tighter', Phillip smiled and said, once a Sailor.......

[StevB]

[whiteball]

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the
Caribbean. The audience would be different each
week, so the magician allowed himself to do the
same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot
saw the shows each week and began to understand
how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood he started shouting in the middle
of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat" the parrot
would say. "Look, he is hidding the flowers under the
table. Hey why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything
about it. It was after all, the captains parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The
magician found himself flouting on a piece of wood
in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course.
They stared at each other with hate but did not utter
a world. This continued day after day. Finally, the
parrot had enough and said, "OK, I give up. Where's
the boat?"

[whiteball]

Three pregnant women in a cafe having lunch,
when one of them says. "I know that I'm going
to have a boy."
The other two women think about that for a moment,
and then one of them says, "OK, how do you know you're
going to have a boy?"
"Well, when the child was conceived." says the first woman.
"I was on top. So I'm going to have a boy."
They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then the second
woman says, "Well, I'm going to have a girl."
"Okey." Says the first one. "How do you know you're going to
have a girl?"
"Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the bottom. So
I'm going to have a girl."
They sit and eat for a few more minutes more, The third woman
obviously getting more and more distressed, until finally she breaks
down into horrible sobbing?
"What's wrong, what's wrong?" The first two women ask with concern.
The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enough to only say
one thing.... "I'm going to have a puppy!"