Joke of the day

[whiteball]

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job
after 35 years of carrying the mail through all
kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route,
he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated
him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of
fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a
selection of terrific fishing lines. At the fourth house, he
was met at the door by a striking beautiful blonde woman
in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently
led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his
mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went down stairs and she fixed
him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham sausages, blueberry
and waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice. When he was truly
satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was
pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cups
bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said,
"But what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would
be your last day, and that we should do something special for you.
I asked him what to give you. He said 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'
The breakfast was my idea."

[whiteball]

A man and a woman started to have sex
in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man
finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I
had a flashlight!"
The woman says, "Me too, you've been
eating grass for the past ten minutes."

[joggon]

[joggon]

Donald Trump's personal library was destroyed in the FBI raid of Mar-a-Lago.
Both books are sadly beyond repair, and he hadn't even finished coloring one in yet.

[whiteball]

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.
On his first day he takes off his clothes and
starts to wonder around. A gorgeous blonde
walks by, and the man immediately gets an
erection. The woman notices his erection,
comes over to him and says, "Did you call me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me
explain. It's a rule here that if you get an
erection, it implies you called me."
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the
swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly
pulls him to her and happily lets him have his
way with her.
Then the man continues to explore the colony's
facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down,
he farts.... Within minutes, a huge, hairy man
lumbers out of the steam-room towards him, "did
you call me?" says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "It's a rule
that if you fart, it implies that you called for me"
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over
a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where
he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I
help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have
the key back and you can keep the E500 membership fee."
"but, sir," she replies "you haven't had the chance to see all
our facilities." The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old.
I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day!!"

[joggon]

[joggon]

[joggon]

[joggon]

Shocking scenes at Brentford's stadium as stewards are forcing Man United fans to stay and watch the game until the final whistle

[joggon]