Joke of the day

[royaler]

'Involuntary Muscle Contraction'

Professor J.S.Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to an attractive young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your arseholeis doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.’


It took 15 minutes to restore order in the lecture room

[Dirty Harry]

a muslim bloke i work with told me he had the Koran on Dvd....i asked him to burn me acopy... thats when it all kicked off..

[Dirty Harry]

Saharah desert walks into a bar.the barman says long time no sea!,

[Dirty Harry]

how can you tell the woman who will do anal?
she's the one drinking rohypnol.

[Dirty Harry]

i was in the dole office the other day when i noticed my old history teacher from school standing in the queue.i got chatting to him and he told me he had struggled to get work since he jacked his job5 years previous.he said theres no future in it.

[Dirty Harry]

whats worse than sucking 12 raw cold oysters out of your grannys vagina? Remembering you only put 11 in!

[royaler]

Good advice for an old guy....

I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in ......

I asked the trainer standing next to me,

"What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"

The trainer looked me over and said;

"I would recommend the ATM in the lobby"!

[royaler]

A thief in Paris

A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings …

I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'

[UB40]

What is the difference between oral and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day and anal sex makes your whole week!

What is the difference between a postbox and an elephants arse?





You don't know eh! I wouldn't ask you to post a letter

( sorry your joke reminded me of this one)

[Dirty Harry]

its only when a spider crawls across your testicles that you realise that not all problems are solved with violence....