Misadventures in Sex - got any tales to share?

[randaddy2017]

Give us a brief description of some of your worst/funny sexual experiences. This isnt a name and shame thread so please keep it anonymous. It is meant to be fun and light-hearted.

1) I once slept with a super popular escort from this site.Gorgeous. Friendly. Sexy. Smart. Everything was perfect. Except she kissed like a hoover. I mean, she would literally suction cup my mouth and tongue, and the more I pulled away, the more she stuck onto me. It hurt. I didnt know whether to say anything or not so tried to subtly redirect the action further south. V sweet girl, too.

2) As a teenager I hooked up with what was an older, and I thought, more experienced woman. I was 16-17 or so at the time and she must have been about 21, I think. My parents were away so I invited her over one night to watch a movie. One thing led to another and we started kissing and fumbling with each others bits. I thought, "Great! Finally some action! Woo hoo!". Shortly afterwards she started squeezing my dick and balls so hard I nearly yelped. Because I was so inexperienced, I thought she knew what she was doing, so I just gritted my teeth and went with it. Haha.

3) And then there is the dreaded toothy blowjob. I've had a few of them. A bit of teeth is good but not too much...

What about u guys and girls?

[Bratsimpson1]

You sound like a bit of a dirt bird. Lol.

[Mr Sweet Guy]

17 years old, and gf went down me for the first time. Felt nice but weird. 10 mins later she pulls her hand up and it's covered in blood. Her fucking ring had grazed my knob and the nicer part of her action had opened up a nice cut.

Nasty and that was a very sore one and let hope it doesn't happen again as some ladies can get carried away and nip you at times even if they don't mean it....
As I had one Lady who was a virgin and I was 19 and her 18 years and she use to kiss...
But bite my lips and one night in the club she bit me and went to chat one of lads and he Said hey mate did some one hit you and my reply was walk in toilet door as couldn't tell the truth...
Sadly that short relationship only last 2 week's...
P.S Never got around to sex as did like her...

[IrishRover1974]

Sounds painful

[philipkntz]

Myself and a friend ended up pulling 2 blonds at a party in Arklow in my early 20s. And we all ended up in the same bed afterwards but as 2 couples rather than an orgy. The first few hours are a bit of a blur but sometime in the early morning we all needed a toilet break after which we could not figure out which girl was which as they were both naked, and all we could remember was what they had been wearing. Of course I couldn't keep my eyes off the wrong girls nipples. Needless to say we were kicked out and spent the early hours walking Arklow searching for our car

[Clueless]

Myself and a friend ended up pulling 2 blonds at a party in Arklow in my early 20s. And we all ended up in the same bed afterwards but as 2 couples rather than an orgy. The first few hours are a bit of a blur but sometime in the early morning we all needed a toilet break after which we could not figure out which girl was which as they were both naked, and all we could remember was what they had been wearing. Of course I couldn't keep my eyes off the wrong girls nipples. Needless to say we were kicked out and spent the early hours walking Arklow searching for our car

Been there done that in a tent in Tralee at the Rose of Tralee festival - back in the day