Irish Jokes!!!

[Alec Horan]

An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France !"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained.

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to"

[Alec Horan]

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"

His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"

"No, I couldn't find her head."