A little guy was sitting next to a big guy in a pub and asks " you wanna hear a good english joke?. The big guy frowned and answered "i just happen to be english,see those two big guys at the bar they are english and see the big bartender at he also is english.Do you still want to tell your english joke buddy? "Nope" sez the little guy. "why you scared we will beat the crap outta you,you know we are infamous all over the world for bar room brawls,our football fans been banned for fighting,riot police tool up when they hear us english are comming to town ,still want to tell your english joke. "I said no" sez little guy "i just dont want to have to explian the punchline four times"
PADDY'S CHATUP LINES
1) Did you fart? Cos you just blew me away
2) Are your parents retarded? Cos you're special
3) My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just can't hold it in
4) Is there a mirror in your knickers? Cos i can see myself in them!
5) Your body reminds me of a spanner. Every time i think of you my nuts tighten up.
See your jokes are nasty mine are funny therein lies the difference between the English and the Irish ........aye warrior?
Liz, I think Tiffany's and Emerald Warriors jokes are better than yours.
i to thought that hers were good but i had that joke sent to me ages ago from a friend so i had seen it......... Mine are funny just you dont have the same sense of humour like i dont have to see the jokes against the english are that funny .......................
See its twats like you that just start me off and you know what - you just aint gonna............ Cos i have so many more jokes that i will keep on and on cos they aren't my jokes are they.........paddy and micks jokes.........
Just like the old knock, knock.......... Sorry if you dont like them cos you are a offended by them - the guys on here think they are hysterical that i sent the mail to........... So you are in the minority.
Ciao............ Not winding me up today sweetie doesnt matter how vicious you are to me........i just couldnt give a shit........:d:d:d:d
and they are funny.................tee he.
This is the transcript of the actual radio of a british naval ship and the Irish,off the coast of Kerry in oct 95
Irish; Please divert your couse 15 degrees South,to avoid a collision.
British; Recommend you divert your couse 15 degrees North,to avoid collision.
Irish; Negative;You will have to divert your course 15 degrees South,to avoid collision.
British; This is the captain of a british navy ship.I say again divert your course.
Irish: Negative.I say again you will have to divert your course.
British; This is the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible.The second largest ship in the Atlantic fleet,we are accompanied by three destroyers,two missile cruisers and numerous support vessels.I demand that you changed your couse 15 degrees North,or counter measures will be taken to undertake that safety of this ship.
Irish; We are a lighthouse;Your call
Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "Im gonna have the day off, Im gonna prtend Im mad!"
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I cant work in the friggin dark! " says Murphy.