Newbie. In a relationship. Need advice, experienced views and thought.

[doodlebug]

Don't do it buddy, you clearly want to be talked out of it then consider it done. If you love your fiancee and you seem to, then don't put her and yourself through it. It will come out eventually as you clearly want to talk to somebody (anybody) about your wants.

The upside might be that your fiancee (wife) decides she wants to spice things up a bit after a year or two of marriage and we might see both of you on here at that stage.

[UKHeather]

Don't do it buddy, you clearly want to be talked out of it then consider it done.

Isn't it funny how people see things differently. I am convinced that he wants to be talked into it!

[Lucy Chambers]

Isn't it funny how people see things differently. I am convinced that he wants to be talked into it!

You are far less cynical than me. For me it sounds like a journalists' take on a problem page

[WatWatWat]

Don't make the same mistake i once made. Pick a lady with verified pics and good reviews and bob's ur uncle. It's only cheating if ur caught. Lol

[doodlebug]

Isn't it funny how people see things differently. I am convinced that he wants to be talked into it!

You are far less cynical than me. For me it sounds like a journalists' take on a problem page

I think I might be too balanced as both thoughts crossed my mind, but I will remain optimistic that he wants talked out of it rather than into it, if it is a journo at least we are going the "right" way, LOL

[UKHeather]

You are far less cynical than me

I am getting there!

[mer]

if your in a relationship stay at it your 1 of the lucky ones its not easy to find somebody

well if i was in your shoes there wud be no more visits to escorts anyway good look

ps. hope your real lol

[Cable87]

I am of the personal opinion that life-long monogomy is purely a social construct, and NOT the way we were biologically evolved to be.

Developmental Anthropologists like Dr. Helen Fisher in her book 'The Anatomy of Love' have argued that we originally evolved to be what they characterise as 'serial monogomists'-- meaning that we ARE designed to be 'temporarily' monogomous with another person, and that the emotional attachment we call 'love' came about as an evolutionary adaptation to keep both partners 'loyal' to each other long enough to rear at least one child together, the idea being that the guys would stick around long enough to help provide for any children that were produced in the relationship long enough to get them past the infant and toddler stages and into early childhood. The emotion of 'romantic love' they argue was biologically designed to last approx 5-7 years, to keep each partner 'loyal' and 'committed' to the other. Around that time, the argument goes, each partner would move on to other partners, and enter into another monogomous relationship of approximately the same duration, long enough to rear and provide for any children produced into early childhood. Funny that there are so many classic jokes about what we call the '7-Year Itch'... Seems there is a scientific argument which lends some credence to that!

http://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Love-N.../dp/0449908976

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...he-7-year-itch


The argument also states that this was in the genetic interests of the human race at its earliest stages, when there weren't that many people on the planet, as it promoted genetic diversity-- it was better for there to be a greater 'mix' of genes than for the same man and woman to be popping out dozens of kids together!


I originally read this book nearly 10 years ago and have watched numerous interviews with Dr. Helen Fisher and similar documentaries with her and other thinkers on the topic, and I must say it has profoundly shaped my own views and expectations about human sexuality and relationships. I honestly don't ever really expect to fall so deeply in love with someone to thr point that I would stay emphatically that I will NEVER desire sex with another person, and I won't allow myself to feel guilty for having those urges/desires, not do/would I allow myself to feel (or be made to feel) guilty for having those feelings or acting on them. That's not to say that I won't 'settle down' some day, for companionship or otherwise-- I'm only noting that I will enter into such a relationship with my eyes open and aware of the fact that my feelings for that person inevitably WILL change in some ways, and that I will almost inevitably desire and/or seek sex from other women during that relationship.

We are DESIGNED to desire sex, and have (as males) been endowed with the biological urge to have sex with as many females as possible, despite whatever social arrangements (marriage or relationship) we might currently find ourselves in. In my personal view, seeing escorts is itself simply a social construct designed for married me to fulfil that very urge. Afterall, ehy do you think that they call this the world's 'oldest profession'?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution

[Lucy Chambers]

I am of the personal opinion that life-long monogomy is purely a social construct, and NOT the way we were biologically evolved to be.

Developmental Anthropologists like Dr. Helen Fisher in her book 'The Anatomy of Love' have argued that we originally evolved to be what they characterise as 'serial monogomists'-- meaning that we ARE designed to be 'temporarily' monogomous with another person, and that the emotional attachment we call 'love' came about as an evolutionary adaptation to keep both partners 'loyal' to each other long enough to rear at least one child together, the idea being that the guys would stick around long enough to help provide for any children that were produced in the relationship long enough to get them past the infant and toddler stages and into early childhood. The emotion of 'romantic love' they argue was biologically designed to last approx 5-7 years, to keep each partner 'loyal' and 'committed' to the other. Around that time, the argument goes, each partner would move on to other partners, and enter into another monogomous relationship of approximately the same duration, long enough to rear and provide for any children produced into early childhood. Funny that there are so many classic jokes about what we call the '7-Year Itch'... Seems there is a scientific argument which lends some credence to that!

http://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Love-N.../dp/0449908976

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...he-7-year-itch


The argument also states that this was in the genetic interests of the human race at its earliest stages, when there weren't that many people on the planet, as it promoted genetic diversity-- it was better for there to be a greater 'mix' of genes than for the same man and woman to be popping out dozens of kids together!


I originally read this book nearly 10 years ago and have watched numerous interviews with Dr. Helen Fisher and similar documentaries with her and other thinkers on the topic, and I must say it has profoundly shaped my own views and expectations about human sexuality and relationships. I honestly don't ever really expect to fall so deeply in love with someone to thr point that I would stay emphatically that I will NEVER desire sex with another person, and I won't allow myself to feel guilty for having those urges/desires, not do/would I allow myself to feel (or be made to feel) guilty for having those feelings or acting on them. That's not to say that I won't 'settle down' some day, for companionship or otherwise-- I'm only noting that I will enter into such a relationship with my eyes open and aware of the fact that my feelings for that person inevitably WILL change in some ways, and that I will almost inevitably desire and/or seek sex from other women during that relationship.

We are DESIGNED to desire sex, and have (as males) been endowed with the biological urge to have sex with as many females as possible, despite whatever social arrangements (marriage or relationship) we might currently find ourselves in. In my personal view, seeing escorts is itself simply a social construct designed for married me to fulfil that very urge. Afterall, ehy do you think that they call this the world's 'oldest profession'?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution

Im guessing you are in a relationship right now Cable

[Skeletor]

My thoughts are that the decision is yours alone. If your fiance expects fidelity and you are going to find it difficult to be faithful in your relationship then perhaps you shouldn't be in it. If you can't be faithful then let her go and find someone who can be.

the above advice is the best you will get..she deserves better than that is not worth the risk furthermore if your found out & should be so lucky & your partner decides to stay with u will never get back to the love u both once had for each other, trust is a very hard thing to regain once it has been lost