Misleading title is misleading...

[ladiesman217]

I really ought to come up with more imaginative titles for this fecking show... Oh wait are we on air? SHIT! Ermmm... Hello folks and welcome to the latest edition of E-I News, bringing you news from around the world whenever the hell I feel like it. First let me thank those of you who do actually bother to watch the show. Fair play. With the amount of shite I ramble on about I'm surprised I have any viewers at all! *cough* Right where was I...? Ah yes I suppose it's about time I got on with things. Wait am I talking to myself on air again? Oh for the love of Benny...

Tonight's headlines: Ireland beat Estonia; why you should always let your wife know where you are; and finally, a bull in a China shop, American style.

First. Congratulations to the boys in green who beat Estonia tonight 4-0. Well that's enough said on that matter.

Next! Why did I just shout? God damn it I really can be a right tool sometimes... Oh ermmm sorry my fellow perves and pervettes. [Where the feck was I... Ah yes]. A suspicious wife in UK town I've never heard of sparked a bomb alert after having a tracking device planted by a private investigator in her husband's car. She believed him to be having an affair as he had started to work later than usual. The husband spotted the flashing GPS tracker and feared the worst after previously providing security and anti-fraud devices for banks. After going to the cops, the entire High Street was closed down. A spokesman for Scotland Yard said: "The bomb disposal squad, London Fire Brigade and London Ambulance Service were called but cancelled shortly after when police officers were informed by the driver's wife that she had arranged to have a tracking device fitted underneath the rear of her husband's car". Well... Obsessive much? Jesus Christ, lads ye lot better have some good excuses to all your better halves, just in case.

We've all heard of the phrase "like a bull in a China shop"... actually is that a simile or a metaphor? I could never remember which was which. Like and as, or without or... Oh I'm rambling again. Apologies folks, it's these new tablets they've given me. They make me talk more shite than usual which, to be honest I thought was impossible! Anyway... A Mexican restaurant in Atlanta, Georgia had their own version of that old simile (I think) when a wild deer decided to pop in for a takeaway. Course the poor crater wasn't exactly subtle in his entrance. It smashed through the window head first, ran amok inside, crashed into a fence and got its antlers stuck, ran amok again and eventually fled away back home. Why in the name of God would a deer break into a Mexican restaurant? Well there's only one thing I can say to that... Damn nature, you scary!

And that my friends is it for tonight's E-I News, with my brilliant self LDM. Remember, stay safe and always have an alibi for the missus for whatever shenanigans you get up to! Thank you all very much for watching, this is LDM signing off. Good night.

[dr love]

Thank you ldm , budget cuts are a bitch no pics .: lol

[benin]

pmsl...one of your best ever...brilliant!

dude you need to start a blog.

[harry10]

Excellent as always LDM. That reminds me, must go check the car. lol

[samlad]

I really ought to come up with more imaginative titles for this fecking show... Oh wait are we on air? SHIT! Ermmm... Hello folks and welcome to the latest edition of E-I News, bringing you news from around the world whenever the hell I feel like it. First let me thank those of you who do actually bother to watch the show. Fair play. With the amount of shite I ramble on about I'm surprised I have any viewers at all! *cough* Right where was I...? Ah yes I suppose it's about time I got on with things. Wait am I talking to myself on air again? Oh for the love of Benny...

Tonight's headlines: Ireland beat Estonia; why you should always let your wife know where you are; and finally, a bull in a China shop, American style.

First. Congratulations to the boys in green who beat Estonia tonight 4-0. Well that's enough said on that matter.

Next! Why did I just shout? God damn it I really can be a right tool sometimes... Oh ermmm sorry my fellow perves and pervettes. [Where the feck was I... Ah yes]. A suspicious wife in UK town I've never heard of sparked a bomb alert after having a tracking device planted by a private investigator in her husband's car. She believed him to be having an affair as he had started to work later than usual. The husband spotted the flashing GPS tracker and feared the worst after previously providing security and anti-fraud devices for banks. After going to the cops, the entire High Street was closed down. A spokesman for Scotland Yard said: "The bomb disposal squad, London Fire Brigade and London Ambulance Service were called but cancelled shortly after when police officers were informed by the driver's wife that she had arranged to have a tracking device fitted underneath the rear of her husband's car". Well... Obsessive much? Jesus Christ, lads ye lot better have some good excuses to all your better halves, just in case.

We've all heard of the phrase "like a bull in a China shop"... actually is that a simile or a metaphor? I could never remember which was which. Like and as, or without or... Oh I'm rambling again. Apologies folks, it's these new tablets they've given me. They make me talk more shite than usual which, to be honest I thought was impossible! Anyway... A Mexican restaurant in Atlanta, Georgia had their own version of that old simile (I think) when a wild deer decided to pop in for a takeaway. Course the poor crater wasn't exactly subtle in his entrance. It smashed through the window head first, ran amok inside, crashed into a fence and got its antlers stuck, ran amok again and eventually fled away back home. Why in the name of God would a deer break into a Mexican restaurant? Well there's only one thing I can say to that... Damn nature, you scary!

And that my friends is it for tonight's E-I News, with my brilliant self LDM. Remember, stay safe and always have an alibi for the missus for whatever shenanigans you get up to! Thank you all very much for watching, this is LDM signing off. Good night.

It's a simile, mate. Simile is an imagery comparison when something is LIKE something, a metaphor is an imagery comparison when you state that something IS something else. Example:

Simile: He was like a bull in a China shop
Metaphor: He was a bull in a China shop

Thank you all.

[lovethegirls]

I really ought to come up with more imaginative titles for this fecking show... Oh wait are we on air? SHIT! Ermmm... Hello folks and welcome to the latest edition of E-I News, bringing you news from around the world whenever the hell I feel like it. First let me thank those of you who do actually bother to watch the show. Fair play. With the amount of shite I ramble on about I'm surprised I have any viewers at all! *cough* Right where was I...? Ah yes I suppose it's about time I got on with things. Wait am I talking to myself on air again? Oh for the love of Benny...

Tonight's headlines: Ireland beat Estonia; why you should always let your wife know where you are; and finally, a bull in a China shop, American style.

First. Congratulations to the boys in green who beat Estonia tonight 4-0. Well that's enough said on that matter.

Next! Why did I just shout? God damn it I really can be a right tool sometimes... Oh ermmm sorry my fellow perves and pervettes. [Where the feck was I... Ah yes]. A suspicious wife in UK town I've never heard of sparked a bomb alert after having a tracking device planted by a private investigator in her husband's car. She believed him to be having an affair as he had started to work later than usual. The husband spotted the flashing GPS tracker and feared the worst after previously providing security and anti-fraud devices for banks. After going to the cops, the entire High Street was closed down. A spokesman for Scotland Yard said: "The bomb disposal squad, London Fire Brigade and London Ambulance Service were called but cancelled shortly after when police officers were informed by the driver's wife that she had arranged to have a tracking device fitted underneath the rear of her husband's car". Well... Obsessive much? Jesus Christ, lads ye lot better have some good excuses to all your better halves, just in case.

We've all heard of the phrase "like a bull in a China shop"... actually is that a simile or a metaphor? I could never remember which was which. Like and as, or without or... Oh I'm rambling again. Apologies folks, it's these new tablets they've given me. They make me talk more shite than usual which, to be honest I thought was impossible! Anyway... A Mexican restaurant in Atlanta, Georgia had their own version of that old simile (I think) when a wild deer decided to pop in for a takeaway. Course the poor crater wasn't exactly subtle in his entrance. It smashed through the window head first, ran amok inside, crashed into a fence and got its antlers stuck, ran amok again and eventually fled away back home. Why in the name of God would a deer break into a Mexican restaurant? Well there's only one thing I can say to that... Damn nature, you scary!

And that my friends is it for tonight's E-I News, with my brilliant self LDM. Remember, stay safe and always have an alibi for the missus for whatever shenanigans you get up to! Thank you all very much for watching, this is LDM signing off. Good night.

Thank fuck for sky news lol

[harry10]

Thank fuck for sky news lol

Be ready for a knock at the door anytime soon LTG. lol

[lovethegirls]

Be ready for a knock at the door anytime soon LTG. lol

Did you order me a take-away cheers mate lol

[ladiesman217]

It's a simile, mate. Simile is an imagery comparison when something is LIKE something, a metaphor is an imagery comparison when you state that something IS something else. Example:

Simile: He was like a bull in a China shop
Metaphor: He was a bull in a China shop

Thank you all.

Thank you Sam, but I was in character... lol

[harry10]

Did you order me a take-away cheers mate lol

LDM must be in a good mood tonite. lol