Advice needed please

[John Shaft]

Ok I know this place isn't an agony aunt column, but maybe some of the more level-headed lads and lassies here might give me their opinion. It's a long story so bear with me.

Nearly 10 years ago, a young woman who was just out of college came into my workplace on work experience. I was given the job of supervising her and was instantly attracted. She only stayed a few week and we parted ways. Luckily, we got reacquainted a few years later in a different work environment. She was keen to be friends again and we used to meet now and again for coffee/lunch and a chat. I moved on to another job again but we stayed in touch even though didn't get to meet all that often - maybe two or three times a year for an hour or two at most. She went abroad for a while and work commitments also got in the way. Both of us are unemployed now, we live about 100 miles apart and she doesn't have a car so meeting up is difficult - I last met her in 6 months ago.

This girl is a real stunner, very good looking, great body, intelligent but down to earth, no airs or graces, she has a genuine innocent charm even to the point of naivety at times. She's quiet, shy and reserved, a bit like myself really. As far as I can tell, she hasn't been in a relationship for at least 6 years. Sometimes I got the vibe that the attraction is mutual, but other times things have happened that have made be doubt that. I've never had the guts or the opportunity to make a serious move and I've never told her how I really feel about her. We don't move in the same social circles and I don't know any of her friends that I could sound out about her.

Now I am leaving Ireland next month for work, I can't get a job here so I have to go. I've told her that I'd like to meet before I leave but she has been cool with me lately. Should I lay it all on the line and tell her how I really feel about her in the hope that we might get a chance to be together at some future point? I'm single and in my mid-thirties and feel that this woman might be my last decent shot at getting married/having a life partner. Am I just being an idealist and hopeless romantic?

[warmcome]

Ok I know this place isn't an agony aunt column, but maybe some of the more level-headed lads and lassies here might give me their opinion. It's a long story so bear with me.

Nearly 10 years ago, a young woman who was just out of college came into my workplace on work experience. I was given the job of supervising her and was instantly attracted. She only stayed a few week and we parted ways. Luckily, we got reacquainted a few years later in a different work environment. She was keen to be friends again and we used to meet now and again for coffee/lunch and a chat. I moved on to another job again but we stayed in touch even though didn't get to meet all that often - maybe two or three times a year for an hour or two at most. She went abroad for a while and work commitments also got in the way. Both of us are unemployed now, we live about 100 miles apart and she doesn't have a car so meeting up is difficult - I last met her in 6 months ago.

This girl is a real stunner, very good looking, great body, intelligent but down to earth, no airs or graces, she has a genuine innocent charm even to the point of naivety at times. She's quiet, shy and reserved, a bit like myself really. As far as I can tell, she hasn't been in a relationship for at least 6 years. Sometimes I got the vibe that the attraction is mutual, but other times things have happened that have made be doubt that. I've never had the guts or the opportunity to make a serious move and I've never told her how I really feel about her. We don't move in the same social circles and I don't know any of her friends that I could sound out about her.

Now I am leaving Ireland next month for work, I can't get a job here so I have to go. I've told her that I'd like to meet before I leave but she has been cool with me lately. Should I lay it all on the line and tell her how I really feel about her in the hope that we might get a chance to be together at some future point? I'm single and in my mid-thirties and feel that this woman might be my last decent shot at getting married/having a life partner. Am I just being an idealist and hopeless romantic?

it's sounds nice, John. i think you should convey to her your evident
appreciation, in a simple way. then, listen to what she says/how she reacts.

whichever way it goes, you will have played your cards and feel lightened
by it. goodluck with the job hunt, any country selected yet?

[kelso]

like billy joel said man, tell her about it, tell her everything you feel...

[iamnewtothis]

In my opinion bud you should tell her how you feel, i wake up every morning with the feeling of "if only".
If only i had of told a certain girl how i felt then maybe me and her would be together, now she is married with another guy and any time i see her with him my heart sinks a little.
This is not saying tho that if you do put it all on the line that your feelings will be returned, you have to weigh up the possibilty of it not going the way you want. Also when feelings like this are made open a friendship can often suffer and sometimes be damaged because of awkwardness and such.
My advice tho is go for it, life is far to short to have regrets and have the "if only" thoughts, love is all about taking chances, be brave and you never know, it could be the start of something special for you.

[dr love]

I'm a firm believer in never get to old age and say I should have , to late then John .
You have answered your own question really , deep down you want to give it a go with her, and she might feel the same .
Is it the fear of rejection is stopping , no matter what is said here do yourself a big favour and listen to your instinct , they very seldom in matters of importance let you down .:
doc

[comicbookguy]

I would say take the chance and tell her how you feel or you could regret not saying anything for the rest of your life.
I say go for it ASAP and even if her answer is no then you know in your own mind you tried.
GOOD LUCK

[itstimenow]

well if ya dont ask you will never know and it might wreck your head 4 a long time but in saying that i think you and her are not meant to be but ask and at least you will know you tried...

[sperminater]

Hmm tough one bud your going to have to come out with it you let her go before without realising it. Ask her for pub grub somewhere you know nobody so you don't get disturbed make sure it not a kip but relaxing if she stays on for a few drinks your quids in and come straight out with it man what have you got to loose there's plent of other ways but that's my pennies worth if you don't say she's gone my man

[Nicole]

You said she is cool with you lately....what does it mean??? She doesnt want to meet you, pick up phone or ignoring your txts???

[John Shaft]

You said she is cool with you lately....what does it mean??? She doesnt want to meet you, pick up phone or ignoring your txts???

Thanks to everyone for the genuine and helpful replies.

When I say she's been cool with me, she has dodged a couple of requests to meet up over the last few months, saying she was too busy etc. (this was before I told her I was going)
When I texted her to tell her I was leaving, I suggested meeting up before I go. She didn't even acknowledge the request and instead just wished me well.
I'll be having a going away do and I'll invite her.