what not to say when calling to make apointment......

[ChiefHandker]

Things not to say when trying to book an escort

1. I havent got any money, could I possibly pay you next week?

2. Excuse me a minute, I just need to shut the kids up

3. Can I bring my dog?

4. If I make you come is it half price?

5. Can you bring your dog?

6. I know your Daddy. He is a lovely man.

7. Can we do a three for two deal?

8. You don't mind a wee rash? I have had it for a while but it stopped itching months ago

9. I have e20, two gold teeth and a swimming medal. How about it?

Or, La piece de resistance, fresh from my email box, do not try this...

HELLO,
I AM ENGINEER JOAN HENRY FROM UK........ LITTLE ABOUT ME.I AM FROM DUBLIN, IRELAND BUT I WAS RAISE IN LIVERPOOL UNITED KINGDOM.I AM 29 YEARS OLD.I TAKE MEDICAL CHECK UP SERIOUSLY WITH A GREAT PERSONALTY.I WILL NEED YOU ON MY TOUR TO AFRICA ON THE 25TH OF FEBRUARY AND I WILL BE THERE FOR 8 DAYS, I WILL NEED YOU TO ESCORT ME TO AFRICA IN NIGERIA REPUBLIC.JUST CHECK YOUR ADS OUT ON *** site name deleted ***.COM AND FOUND YOU SO COOL AND DECIDED PICK YOU.PLEASE MAIL ME BACK IF YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME. I AM READY TO OFFER YOU A GOOD SUM. HOPE 2000 POUNDS PER DAY FOR ONE WEEK (8DAYS) IS THAT OKAY? AND UPFRONT WILL BE PAID TO YOU EVEN BEFORE YOU LEAVE YOUR STATE. ALL NECESSARY DOCUMENT WILL BE ARRANGED, SO FEEL FREE TO GET BACK TO ME ASAP ONLY IF YOU ARE WILLING TO GO WITH ME.


Ho hum. I am so looking forward to coming back to work.

Damnit if i'd known you were goin to Nigeria i would've asked you to pick up that cheque from my long lost cousin.

Just out of curiosity, how many of those 9 have you been asked?