Alcohol consumption warning
If the government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, the following might be more appropriate
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may
cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
be a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your fucking head in.
cause you to thay things like thish.
cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Xmas party.
may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants, or (panties) anyway.
cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you cannot remember).
be the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on one's forehead (or knees)
create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than some really, really, really BIG biker guy named "Big Al."
make you think you are whispering when you are not.
make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting all over them.
lead you to believe you are invisible.
lead you to think people are laughing WITH you, not AT you.
cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
actually cause pregnancy.
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