It has been a long war, a long war. But it is finally over.

You may (or may not) have noticed that Alec Horan is no longer posting. This is because I have finally won our ages-old conflict. Yes, like light and darkness, ying and yang, vagina (him) and penis (me), our war has been cosmic, fought not just on t'interweb, but also on levels emotional, psychic and spiritual.

He calls me a cunt, I call him cuntflaps. He takes my wee brother's lunch money, I cum on his sister's eyeball. He kicks my dog, I burn his caravan down.

I offered him peace here on the boards some weeks back, but he accosted me on Cruises Street, shouted at me, bent over, pulled his trackie bottoms down and showed me his anus. He made me look at it, the little puckered hairy red thing, and I've not been right since. Once you have seen the horror, the horror cannot be unseen.

I know you understand why I had to fix it so that he won't ever be coming back. The details of how are unimportant, but I had him sign a full confession via PM, reprinted below. It is why I am declaring, a la Georgie Bush in Iraq - "... Mission Accomplished."

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STATEMENT BY ALEC HORAN

I am a cunt.
I am the world's biggest cunt.
Mousey has a bigger penis than I do.
Mousey is the man.
I am jealous of Mousey because he's better-looking than me and has more friends.
I like cocks.
I wish I was a tranny.
My mam lets me sleep in the same bed as her.
I promise not to post on the boards anymore.
I acknowledge that Mousey's got me beat.
I sometimes masturbate in honour of rugby players and think about their naked thighs.
Mousey has not got a pair of scissors at the ready on my foreskin as I type this.
All hail the Mouse!

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