Addiction to Visiting Escorts

[msc66]

This is a bit of a buzzkill post, but I need advice...

I'm reaching out because I'm feeling quite confused and worried about my increasing frequency of visiting escorts and I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar.

What started as visiting once a couple of months has now increased to 1 or 2 times a week. I spend a lot of time thinking about visiting, which is impacting my ability to focus on work and other personal life. Also I never get the same high as the first time I did this, and it's the preparation and expectation that excite me the most, but then I feel very low afterward.

I've tried to cut down or stop altogether, but I keep failing and falling back into the same patterns. I often feel intense shame and guilt after these encounters, but I can't seem to stop.

I recently came across Paula Hall's book "Understanding and Treating Sex and Pornography Addiction", which discusses the complexities of sex and porn addiction, including the impact on individuals' lives and relationships. It has made me realize that my situation might be more common than I thought and that there could be professional ways to seek help.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?
How did you come to terms with it, and did you seek help?
I would really appreciate any advice.

Thanks

[morelovin]

I doubt you are alone here.in fact everyone here is addicted in some level. I had similar fear when I started this initially,however, I have limited to once a month which has given me control. If you can’t impose a limit then you may need to talk to a professional if it is seriously impacting your life. Do you have a significant other?

[msc66]

Yes I am married, happily (or am I happily married if i visit escorts) I tell myself.
It just seems to consume me now, I think about escorts a lot, from collecting their profiles in my account, as if i am going shopping or something. Then the high of preparation and anticipation, to the meeting, which don't get me wrong is usually amazing, I love the sex, the connection the sensual and erotic nature of the whole thing...but then, I get guilt pangs and I tell myself i have to stop this activity, until it all starts all over again...

[Ryankelvin]

My first concern for you is if it is having an impact on your finances, from the POV that a mortgage, household bills etc are under pressure because of financial cost of visiting.
Secondly, if you are at an age where you could be visiting for 20 / 30 years to come , then I think you need to control your activities or get some help.
People like me are fine, in that I’m in the autumn of life .
Just making the most of life whilst I still can.
I think it’s important to have a schedule and stick to it .

[msc66]

My first concern for you is if it is having an impact on your finances, from the POV that a mortgage, household bills etc are under pressure because of financial cost of visiting.
Secondly, if you are at an age where you could be visiting for 20 / 30 years to come , then I think you need to control your activities or get some help.
People like me are fine, in that I’m in the autumn of life .
Just making the most of life whilst I still can.
I think it’s important to have a schedule and stick to it .

Thanks, luckily I am financially secure and I am middle aged, so no issue on these fronts.

When i knew i had an issue was when i tried to stop visiting and found it so difficult, I tried to 'white-knuckle' my way through a month with will power.

Anyways I find it very helpful even chatting here.

Cheers

[Thoreau]

My first concern for you is if it is having an impact on your finances, from the POV that a mortgage, household bills etc are under pressure because of financial cost of visiting.
Secondly, if you are at an age where you could be visiting for 20 / 30 years to come , then I think you need to control your activities or get some help.
People like me are fine, in that I’m in the autumn of life .
Just making the most of life whilst I still can.
I think it’s important to have a schedule and stick to it .

I seriously think this is the best realistic advice you're going to get here. I've always been single, but if honest, back in the day when I was living in London, my main "visits" were to those ladies advertising on phone boxes and less complicated and dare say cheaper. In my autumn of life, it's more about reassurance than anything else (and of course good company), but as this post suggests, you need to curb it and as already acknowledged by yourself, you are going to have serious problems - "The longest journey begins with the first step"......start NOW!

[morelovin]

Yes I am married, happily (or am I happily married if i visit escorts) I tell myself.
It just seems to consume me now, I think about escorts a lot, from collecting their profiles in my account, as if i am going shopping or something. Then the high of preparation and anticipation, to the meeting, which don't get me wrong is usually amazing, I love the sex, the connection the sensual and erotic nature of the whole thing...but then, I get guilt pangs and I tell myself i have to stop this activity, until it all starts all over again...

Likewise, I am married and it’s a fair question are you happily married if visiting escorts. Life is complicated and every marriage has tough times or just the dynamic changes and kids play a part. There is no getting away, this is a selfish activity. What would you do if your wife found out? Consider what’s at stake. Kids even?That’s why you need to impose some restraint. If you are impulsively visiting escorts you are heading for troubled territory and risk of being found out.Also you say you don’t feel great afterwards. Have you considered less is more as in you may enjoy it more if you have that sense of control. It’s not realistic to just stop, that I know but you must impose constraints and figure out how to do that. Find other things to think about and limit your time on this website for a start. It’s consuming too much of your time. Consider a time frame to completely stop which is something I have in mind to wean off.

[msc66]

Thanks for the constructive comments.

I never visit on impulse, but rather plan ahead, I get off on this aspect, it’s like some warped view that I am going on some blind date, that’s if it’s not a revisit which is equally exciting.

Yep I need to curb this activity, I hate the fact it has a hold on me. Which I guess is addiction.

After reading the book I mentioned above, I fall into a category of a sex addict, primarily addicted to sexual intimacy, I never thought that this was a thing.

Anyway I think I’ve started to curb this by posting here.

[morelovin]

Well don’t go labelling yourself a sex addict just yet. I like to drink every so often, doesn’t make me an addict. Our significant others might call us something else!

[msc66]

Possibly not, but I’ve found myself constantly looking for the thrill of meeting escorts, then when I tell myself to stop, it’s very difficult, I tell myself sure what’s the harm etc, I’m just having fun, not hurting anyone, it’s all consensual etc… but jesus if my wife found out about this, it would be devastating. So from this logic, it is harmful, I’m cheating. Maybe the guilt has finally caught up with me. I’ve no idea, that’s why I was just asking if anyone here ever has similar thoughts.