NEWS OF THE WORLD JOURNALISTS IN SHOCKING CIRCLE JERK
Overworked News of the World journalists are repeatedly turning to Internet escort website E-I to sleaze up their stories on the escort business, it was revealed today. In an effort to boost flagging sales, the paper responsible for the royal phone tapping scandal
News of the World phone hacking affair - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia in the UK admitted that it was sleazing up its own stories with no regards for the truth.
"We rag on it all the time, but the truth is we love E-I," said a source close to the newpaper journos. "Journalists, you see, are the lowest form of scum on the earth, so we're always scouring the internet looking for things to marginalise. E-I is perfect for our needs."
Journalists routinely invent quotes from unnamed sources in order to make their story read better and to make the average reader think that they're actually reading something that someone said. "It's a big load of wank," says the source. "The News of the World is the sister paper of the Sun, which has a reading age of about six years old, so their high standards of ethical journalism are something we can never hope to attain. I mean, if you read our paper during the '90s, the Balkan War never happened. Literally."
The estimated average intelligence of a News of the World reader
SLEAZY
But don't these journalists think it's a double standard to be so against sex when their daily sister paper runs Page 3 pictures? "Of course!" says a pal of the source who's a pal of someone close to the journos. "But I'll lick your ballsack if anyone actually figures that out."
Escort-Ireland is the largest escort website in Ireland, except, rumour has it that it's not actually in Ireland. It's run by a notoriously violent sleazy ex-hooker named Patricia who has managed to stay in business for over ten years using her sleazy sleaziness and something that sleazy ex-hookers call "business strategy".
Patricia, owner of E-I, alias "Vacuum Lips"
PERVERTS
E-I has a strong online community, with a very active message board and chatroom. Here, perverts of all walks of life come to pick their next punt.
Typical Escort-Ireland user
WILLING HOOKERS
But doesn't all this attention in the press actually act against what the journos are supposedly fighting for? By running "sleazy exposes" of E-I, aren't they simply directing a great many men who were only thinking of having a punt into the arms of willing hookers?
Bored E-I escort waiting on her next client
MORONS
"Oh. Errrr, we never thought of that," says the source.