Wouldn't it be interesting..

[Mr Magoo]

... to hear what the escort would write if the shoe was on the other foot.

'He greeted me at the door wearing a cheque shirt, chino's and runners. Unattractive sort with tangerine hair. Seen better days and probably pushing 55 although claimed he was 40. Money out of the way he refused a shower and got straight down to business.

Took off his trousers to reveal silky black stockings and a leather thong with orange pubic hair sticking out the sides. I started to giggle but had to say it was making me wet.

Shoved his tongue down my throat and stuck a finger up my arse while asking me to call him Wendy.

All over very fast and he just rolled over and lay there in a sweat. He then gave me a poor review.

Poor performance. Wouldn't recommend'.