Joke of the day

[samlad]

Bad news... the lootings have spread to Ireland.

Paddy smashed his laptop whilst trying to loot Ebay.

[samlad]

Jonathan Ross got arrested for stealing a kitching utensil from Tesco today... he said it was a whisk worth taking.

[Forrest]

They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke.
The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it,
the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.


What is the difference between an Englishman and his photograph?
The photograph is fully developed!

[Forrest]

How can you tell when your girlfriend's horny?
You stick your hands in her panties and it feels like you're feeding a horse.


A little old lady in a nursing home stands and raises her fist in the Rec Centre one day and says,
"Whoever can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight."
A little old man in the back of the room yells, "an elephant."
She says, "Close enough."

[Forrest]

Why do women have two sets of lips?

One set to bitch at you with, and the other to apologize with.


What is FOREPLAY?
1- The loving before the shoving.
2- The petting before the getting.
3- BULLSHIT!
4 -The licking before the pricking.
5- The stroking before the poking.
6- The procrastination & masturbation preceding penetration.
7- The lingering and the fingering.
8- A premature ejaculators nightmare!
9- Unnecessary with barn animals.

[royaler]

Grandma Still Drives -- PRICELESS

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper..
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air..

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

[Rod Stewart]

Fuckin brilliant Royaler

[royaler]

Absolutely brilliant Feargal!!

[Forrest]

Grandma Still Drives -- PRICELESS

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:


So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

Brilliant and so innocent.

[Bluehaven]

What's the difference between Fernondo Torres and London?

London is on Fire!