Joke of the day

[Corcock1]

Knock knock who’s there Jackie Jackie who

[SteveB]

[joggon]

[whiteball]

A wife comes home late one night and
quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four
legs instead of just her husband's two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts
hitting the blanket as heard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen
to have a drink. As she enters, she sees
her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, "Hi daring, your parents have
come to visit us, so I let them stay in
our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

[Rockerman]

That was a hilarious video Joggon ....

[whiteball]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here's to spending the rest of my life,
between the legs of me wife!"
That won him top prize at the pub for
the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary'
"I won the prize for the Best Toast of
the Night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what
was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest
of my life, setting in church beside me
wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary
said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's
drinking buddies on the street corner. The
man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won
the prize the other night at the pub with a
toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been
in there twice in the last four years, Once I
had to pull him by the ears to make him come,
and the other time he fell asleep."

[whiteball]

Two women are chatting in an office.
Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"
Woman 2: "Yes"
Woman 1: "Was it good."
Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... My
husband came home, ate his dinner in
three minutes, got on top of me, finished
having sex in five minutes, rolled over and
fell asleep in two minutes, how was yours?"
Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband
came home and took me out to a romantic
dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.
When we came home he lit the candles around
the house and we had an hour of foreplay.
We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex
and afterwards talked for an hour it was like a
fairytale!"
At the same time, their husbands are talking at
work.
Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"
Husband 2: "Great I came home, dinner was on the
table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It
was great. What about you"
Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, There's no
dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't
paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which
was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab.
We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we
got home I remember there was no electricity so I had to
light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I
couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for
another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I
couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for
another hour!"

[whiteball]

Husband always insisted on making love
in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on
light finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes ballistic, "You impotent bastard!
How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes and
calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain
the kids....."

[joggon]

[whiteball]

A young guardsman on gate duty at
Buckingham Palace. The RSM walks
up to him and says, "Right lad, the
Queen is out on public duties I want
to know the minute she gets back here,
do you understand? The minute she's back
you let me know."
"Yes sir," says the young guardsman. So 10
minutes later a big limo pulls in through the
gates, the guardsman stops the car, pops his
head in and says, "scuse me ma'am are you
the Queen?" "No I'm princess Ann."
"OK sorry to delay you, Proceed."
The next limo pulls in and he sticks his head
in the window, "scuse me ma'am are you the
Queen?"
"No I'm princess Margaret." "OK sorry to delay
you ma'am proceed." Next limo pulls in and
same again he sticks his head in the window,
"scuse me ma'am, are you the Queen?" "Yes
I'm the Queen."
"Right," he says. "Well make yourself scarce
love cos the RSM is looking for you."