Joke of the day

[69patrick69]

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off,I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts
"I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"
So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

[royaler]

The Brothel

House of ill repute
See if you can work this out:


There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom
of the hill..


There were four men ....

one was walking briskly up the hill;
one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and
the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.

What were the nationalities of the four men?

* The man going up the hill was rushin
* The man in the brothel was him-a-layin
* The man walking down the hill was finish

Now wait for it ...........................................!!!!!!


Ya gonna love/hate this ........................................


* The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light
to turn green!

[Dirty Harry]

ITs A Boy I shouted with tears rolling down my cheeks I DONT FUCKING BELIEVE ITS A BOy it was at that moment i decided never to visit thailand again!

[Dirty Harry]

I just recieved a text from vodafone saying that i have just been the winner of 250Euro worth of vouchers for marks & spencers or if i would rather two tickets to see an Elvis impersonater it said text 1 for the money or 2 for the show.

[emmasweet]

The teacher said; “Take a pencil and paper, and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’” Everyone but Joe, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write feverishly.
“What’s the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don’t you begin?”
“I’m waiting for my secretary,” Joe replied.

[emmasweet]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"


Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."


Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"


Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"


Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."

[emmasweet]

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.


One fine day, in the middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too!

[69patrick69]

Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

[69patrick69]

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners forthe night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Mick says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".

[Dirty Harry]

It was hard getting over my addiction to the hokey cokey.but i've turned myself around.and that's what it's all about.