Joke of the day

[Forrest]

Little Johnny asks his dad for a telly for his room, to which he reluctantly agrees.
Next day, Johnny comes downstairs and asks his dad "What's love juice?"

His dad looks horrified and decides to tell Johnny all about sex.
Johnny just sat with his mouth open in amazement as his father told him all he needed to know.
When he had finished, his father asked, "So, what were you watching on TV?"
Johnny replied "Wimbledon".

[emmasweet]

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently
taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his
wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have
a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

[emmasweet]

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he
notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big
black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7
foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch tomato, 3 pound left ball, 3
pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints!!
The big black dude picks up the small white guy and
brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks
the small white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy
says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude
looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch tomato,
3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner
Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you
said 'Turn around. '"

[Forrest]

A heavy set woman walks into an ice cream store and orders a gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The man behind the counter says "ma'am, i'm so sorry, but we just ran out of chocolate."
Now this heavy set woman is an executive-type, and she is hungry and in a hurry, she says
"Look asshole, give me a half-gallon of chocolate ice cream and I'll pay for it and be on my way."
The guy behind the counter says, "ma'am, I'm sure you didn't hear me, but we are totally out of chocolate ice cream."
The woman is now pissed off, "Listen douchebag, give me a scoop of chocolate ice cream, put some sprinkles and
gummie bears on it and I'll pay for it and be out of your life forever."
The long suffering clerk leans back and thinks for a minute before responding. "Ma'am, can you spell the 'van' in vanilla?"
She says, "Of course I can. V-A-N." He goes, "OK, can you spell the 'straw' in strawberry?"
She says, "Yeah, that's easy. S-T-R-A-W." He replies, "Alright, well can you spell the 'fuck' in chocolate?"
She says, "There's no fuckin chocolate." The clerk says "Yeah, that's what I've been telling you for the last five minutes."

[Nyna]

A heavy set woman walks into an ice cream store and orders a gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The man behind the counter says "ma'am, i'm so sorry, but we just ran out of chocolate."
Now this heavy set woman is an executive-type, and she is hungry and in a hurry, she says
"Look asshole, give me a half-gallon of chocolate ice cream and I'll pay for it and be on my way."
The guy behind the counter says, "ma'am, I'm sure you didn't hear me, but we are totally out of chocolate ice cream."
The woman is now pissed off, "Listen douchebag, give me a scoop of chocolate ice cream, put some sprinkles and
gummie bears on it and I'll pay for it and be out of your life forever."
The long suffering clerk leans back and thinks for a minute before responding. "Ma'am, can you spell the 'van' in vanilla?"
She says, "Of course I can. V-A-N." He goes, "OK, can you spell the 'straw' in strawberry?"
She says, "Yeah, that's easy. S-T-R-A-W." He replies, "Alright, well can you spell the 'fuck' in chocolate?"
She says, "There's no fuckin chocolate." The clerk says "Yeah, that's what I've been telling you for the last five minutes."

I didnt read that all , but i agree with u

[Forrest]

I didnt read that all , but i agree with u

Read it all now, cheeky.


And sees his mother getting out of the shower.
He points at her and asks "Mommy whats that?"
His mother replies "Oh that's nothing Johnny, just my kitty cat."
Little Johnny replies "No I mean that string hanging out of your cunt!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old folks...
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"
"Fuckin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

[Nyna]

Read it all now, cheeky.


And sees his mother getting out of the shower.
He points at her and asks "Mommy whats that?"
His mother replies "Oh that's nothing Johnny, just my kitty cat."
Little Johnny replies "No I mean that string hanging out of your cunt!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old folks...
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"
"Fuckin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

I did now ... classy


togas off ...

[Forrest]

I did now ... classy


togas off ...

Ok, you first.

A duck walks into a store and asks the manager "got any ducky food?"
The manager replies "no, we do not sell ducky food here."
The next day the duck again walks into the store and asks the manager "got any ducky food?"
The manager replies "look I told you yesterday, we don't sell ducky food here."
The next day the duck walks into the same store and asks the manager the same question "got any ducky food?"
By this time the manager is getting irritated and says "look here little duck, I've told you several times,
we DO NOT SELL DUCKY FOOD! If you come in here and ask again I will nail your feet to the floor."
The next day the duck walks into the same store and strides right up to the manager and asks "got any nails?"
The manager looks a little relieved and replies "no, I don't have any nails."
The duck looks at him and says "got any ducky food?"

[Nyna]

Heheh that remaind me of something ... a fab duck ...

good one

Ok, you first.

A duck walks into a store and asks the manager "got any ducky food?"
The manager replies "no, we do not sell ducky food here."
The next day the duck again walks into the store and asks the manager "got any ducky food?"
The manager replies "look I told you yesterday, we don't sell ducky food here."
The next day the duck walks into the same store and asks the manager the same question "got any ducky food?"
By this time the manager is getting irritated and says "look here little duck, I've told you several times,
we DO NOT SELL DUCKY FOOD! If you come in here and ask again I will nail your feet to the floor."
The next day the duck walks into the same store and strides right up to the manager and asks "got any nails?"
The manager looks a little relieved and replies "no, I don't have any nails."
The duck looks at him and says "got any ducky food?"

[Mousey]

What type of key opens all doors?




A pikey