Joke of the day

[Dirty Harry]

i brought my girlfriend home the other night and we had sex for two hours when we were finished i turned to her and said do you wanna go again ok she said.......come on in lads i shouted.!

[Forrest]

Spain had 858 passes against Ireland last night.
The only way Ireland could ever manage that many would be if Jason Mc Ateer went on Mastermind.

[Forrest]

A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny.
As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander.
He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside,
and there is no one around here for miles.
He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin,
cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin.
After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up.
The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"

[Stephanie]

This is one of my favourite jokes!!!

LOL x Reminds me : I love Mexico !! Getting off the beaten path.. and then some lol

Stay away from resorts.. for some Real 'fun' ... Luna ?

[funlover12]

A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny.
As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander.
He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside,
and there is no one around here for miles.
He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin,
cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin.
After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up.
The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"

thats gold, actual lol here!

[Miramar]

An unemployed and impoverished man is shopping for a cheap present for his god-son, who wants a pet for his birthday. he visits a local pet shop...."how much are the puppies ? How much are the kittens?, How much are the budgerigars? How much are the canaries? How much are the mice?". The pet shop owner is really pissed off at this guy and asks him to leave and not to be wasting his time.
As he is leaving the guy turns to the shop owner and asks : "How much are the bees ?" WE don't sell beeyells the owner.

"That's funny says the guy.....you have 3 in the window !"s

[Luna Nueva]

LOL x Reminds me : I love Mexico !! Getting off the beaten path.. and then some lol

Stay away from resorts.. for some Real 'fun' ... Luna ?

I'm in !!! when?! I need some Mexico! AAAAAAArrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiibaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[max california]

A man goes to his doctor to collect some test results.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news," says the doctor "you've only got 6 months to live.
I recommend you marry an ugly woman and move to Cork."
"Will that cure me?" asks the man.
"No but it will make the 6 months seem a lot longer!"

[UB40]

I had posted this on another thread and thought I'd add it here- joke about the family going to the zoo. The elephants were mating and the child saw the elephants penis and his mother was embarrassed and told him it was nothing. A few minutes later he asked his father and who told him that was the elephants penis. The kid said 'but daddy mum said that was nothing' - Dad said' I know son I have her spoiled'!

[royaler]

The Quickie

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon “quickie” with their 8-year old son in the

apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars bar and tell him to report

on all the street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.

'Matt's riding a new bike!'

'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

'Jason is on his skate board!'

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having a shag!'

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know that?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars bar.'