Joke of the day

**morgankell** · 09-01-12, 21:05

How do you make a venetian blind?...... Poke him in the eye!

**Dirty Harry** · 10-01-12, 13:13

why there are no male agony aunts.dear jim last week i left for work as normal but having only gone a mile my car broke down so i walked home again and arriving unexpectedly i found my 16yr old babysitter hand cuffed 2 the bed in her school uniform with my husband bent over her! i am devastated can you help? ..dear sally a comon cause for this is dirt in your carburettor dont let your fuel drop 2 low in the tank hope this helps jim.

**TomEA** · 10-01-12, 13:27

Originally Posted by Dirty Harry

why there are no male agony aunts.dear jim last week i left for work as normal but having only gone a mile my car broke down so i walked home again and arriving unexpectedly i found my 16yr old babysitter hand cuffed 2 the bed in her school uniform with my husband bent over her! i am devastated can you help? ..dear sally a comon cause for this is dirt in your carburettor dont let your fuel drop 2 low in the tank hope this helps jim.

Good one that Harry....Looks like I shall be plaguerising this one also

**Dirty Harry** · 10-01-12, 14:06

i shagged an ugly chinese bird in a lift i know i know i was fuckin wrong on so many levels.

**Lilian** · 10-01-12, 18:50

Two street ladies are standing at the corner looking up to the brothel windows oposite , says one : "The lass up there in the second floor had twenty men today" .
Says the other one : "Her feets must be killing her ".

**Dirty Harry** · 10-01-12, 21:21

i'm sick of double standards my girlfriend buys a rampant rabbit with attachments and she's seen as a naughty fun girl with a special new toy but when i order a 240 volt deluxe fistmaster 5000 latex revolving pussy with realistic elasticated anus imitation shit dribble semen collection tray. And built in sadistic rape sound system then that supposedly makes me some kind of pervert.

**royaler** · 12-01-12, 07:45

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

MAYBE HE DESERVES 100% FOR HIS CREATIVITY

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges
in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

**Forrest** · 13-01-12, 18:58

Patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

**Forrest** · 14-01-12, 09:26

Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one sunny afternoon when all of a sudden,
in the bushes a short distance away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The dad responds after some quick thinking, "Why son, they're making a puppy."

Later that night Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get a glass of water.
As he walked by his mom and dad's room, he heard a noise and looked in, only to find them going at it.
Billy shouts, "Daddy what are you doing?"
The father, quite embarrassed, replies "Why Billy, we're making a baby."
"Quick, turn her over..." declares Billy, "...I want a puppy!"

**Forrest** · 15-01-12, 19:45

An octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play ANY musical instrument going."

An Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Hendrix.

An Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton John.

Then a Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes.

The Octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says "What’s wrong, can ye no play it?"

The Octopus replies "Play it? - I’m gonna fuck her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!!!

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