Joke of the day

[Dirty Harry]

my wife left me because she said i'm a clueless idiot i didn't even know i was married.

[Dirty Harry]

apparently if you cut the trunk and count the rings on it..it will tell you how old it is the one i checked was only 2 years old poor Elephant bled to death.

[Amy Alison]

Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.


To test this theory:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.

[Wildthang]

This is too funny

https://www.escort-ireland.com/escor...le-escort.html

Pmsl

This just gets better n better

https://www.escort-ireland.com/escor...le-escort.html

" he was a good chatter" Pmsl

FairPlay Nicole you managed to make yourself sound like a sexual vixen while poor Casanova came( or in this case didn't ) across as a complete waffler " all talk"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESuHk...e_gdata_player

Fav: owo,cim , nice cup of tea n chat

Pmsl

[MrNiceGuy2010]

This just gets better n better

https://www.escort-ireland.com/escor...le-escort.html

" he was a good chatter" Pmsl

FairPlay Nicole you managed to make yourself sound like a sexual vixen while poor Casanova came( or in this case didn't ) across as a complete waffler " all talk"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESuHk...e_gdata_player

Fav: owo,cim , nice cup of tea n chat

Pmsl

Just read the review and near pissed myself laughing, after looking at her pics the last thing on my mind would be getting to know her.I'm sure she is a good talker lol but she also has a body for sin.

[Rod Stewart]

If he doesn't want to go back and have sex with her i fucking will!!

[harry10]

A man walked out to the street in New York City and immediately catches a taxi. The cabbie says, "Perfect timing, you're just like Brian. " Passenger: "Who?"* Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."* Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."* Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete who could have won the Grand Slam at tennis or played golf with the pros. He sang like a bird, danced like a star and played the piano . He was an amazing guy."* Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer, remembered everybody's birthday and knew all about wine. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow... Some guy that Brian."* Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way in traffic and avoided every traffic jam. Brian never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."* Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"* Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his widow."

[royaler]

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an
opportunity so he asked.... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had.
That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"



　
　
　
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

[royaler]

Summary of Genuine Quotes from complaints from Tenants to Dublin Corporation


"It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow."

"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burned my
knob off."

"My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus
growing in it."
...
"He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take
it any more."


"Their 18 year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence."

"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I
think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off."

"My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand?"

"I am writing on behalf of my sink."

"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and
fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."

"I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

"50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain
filthy."

"The toilet is blocked and we can't bath the children until it is cleared."

"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."

"I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at
6.00am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me."

"The man next door has a large erection in his back garden which is
unsightly and dangerous.

"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so
please send someone around to do something about it."

"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do
something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night."

"Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
wife."

"I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have
no satisfaction."

[Dirty Harry]

the wife threw me out today coz she caught me measuring my cock.anyway for the record it just reaches the back of her sisters throat.