Joke of the day

[Forrest]

Two Palestinians are sitting in the Gaza strip chatting over a pint of goat’s milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son. He’s a martyr".
"Here’s my second son. He’s a martyr too!"
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says.
"They blow up so fast, don’t they?"



A gynaecologist examines a lesbian and remarked "Madam that is the cleanest vagina I have ever seen"
She replied "Thank you, I have a woman in at least twice a week !"

[monster_monster]

BBC News: 'Man who killed Wife was facing life sentence'.

Yeah, that's why he killed her.

[monster_monster]

A Greek guy and an Italian guy are arguing over who's ethnicity is better.

Greek Guy: We had the Olympics.
Italian Guy: Yeah..But we had the Colosseum.
Greek Guy: Alright..But we built the Parthenon.
Italian Guy: That's great, but we built the Aqueducts.
Greek Guy: Ok ok....But we invented sex...
Italian Guy: That's nice..But we introduced it to women.

[dr love]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.

When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
doc

[Forrest]

A man goes to the doctor’s, "Doctor I think I’ve caught that bird flu that’s going round"

Doc says, "What makes you think that?"

The guy answers, "Well I’ve started wearing make-up, talking bollocks and I can’t park the car!"

[Forrest]

This is probably my favourite joke on this thread, so I repeating it
as my final post on this thread............every breath a sigh of relief.


Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell are walking along the street
when Cheryl trips, falls forward and gets her head stuck in some railings.
Simon gets turned on by Cheryl's sexy ass and, quick as a flash,
pulls down her knickers and fucks her from behind.
When he's finished, he turns to Louis and says: "It's your turn"
Louis starts crying and Simon asks him what's wrong.
"My head won't fit in those railings", Louis sobs.

[Nyna]

Teacher:
- I killed a person. Tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student:
- In future tense: You will go to jail.

[Forrest]

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm
''I'd like to buy a horth'', he says.
"What sort of horse?",asks the owner.
"A female horth,"the dwarf replies.
The owner shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth," says the dwarf, "can I thee her eyth?"
The owner picks him up and shows him the mares eyes.
"Nith eyth", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?"
The owner picks him up and shows him the mares teeth.
"Nith teeth," he says"Now can I see her twot?"
The owner picks him up and shoves his head deep inside the horses vagina,and then pulls him out.
The dwarf shakes his head and says,"Perhaps I should weefwaze that...Can I see her wun awound?"

Very funny, Steady

[Dirty Harry]

a man was rushed to hospital last night after a sex game went wrong leaving him with 6 toy horses up his arse.his condition is described as stable

[Dirty Harry]

my gorgeous blond next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line.i nearly shit her pants