Joke of the day

[Forrest]

A lesbian goes to a nutritionist because she has indigestion.
The nutritionist says "It’s simple - you are what you eat".
so the lesbian turns to her and says..."Are you calling me a cunt?"

[Forrest]

Q : What is the Fibula?
A : A small lie.
Q : What does "varicose" mean?
A : Nearby.
Q : What is the most common form of birth control?
A : Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q : Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A : The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q : What is a seizure?
A : A Roman emperor.
Q : What is a terminal illness?
A : When you are sick at the airport
Q : Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A : Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places, so they look like umbrellas.

[master69]

Fireman comes from work says to wife we have a new system at work.
Bell 1 means put on jacke.
Bell 2 jump on engine son on
We will do the same at home
Bell 1 means strip naked
Bell 2, jump on bed
Bell 3 make mad love
That night he says
Bell 1 she strips
Bell 2 she jumps on bed
Bell 3 they start to make love
She then shuts Bell 4!!!
He asks "Whats bell 4?????"
She replies "Roll out more hose you're now here near the fucking fire

[doodlebug]

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble..

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.

I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.

She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul.'

[Forrest]

Opportunist




Co-operation




The overanalyzing magazine for women

[Forrest]

Unnecessary Censorship

[Forrest]

[Forrest]

A priest visits a man and tells him he must give up smoking, drinking and sex
if he wants to get into Heaven. The man says he’ll try. The priest visits him a
week later to see how he’s getting on. “Not bad” says the man, “I’ve given up
drinking and smoking, but when the wife bent over the freezer, I had to fu*k
her up the arse.” “They don’t like that sort of thing in Heaven” said the priest.
The man replied, “They’re not too fuc*ing happy about it in Woolworths either!!!"


Got this text from my brother recently. It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while?
My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

[Forrest]

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers.
When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me -- I need to speak to him." She is running her hands
up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I’m afraid that I can’t," breathes the barman, clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple
of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

[anon361]

Just had some awful news, My mates new Thai wife's breast cancer has spread to her bollocks.