Joke of the day

[Forceuser]

I thanked that post even though cats are the spawn of Satan - evil manipulative feckers !

Ah sure a dog is your friend. A cat is a cnut.

dogs are too needy for me

[joggon]

This is just a joke , in the jokes thread

[Forceuser]

[whiteball]

I had a blind date last night, but before it
I was worried what to do if she was really
unattractive. My friend told me not to worry
as there's an app for just that situation.
It's called 'Mum Are You Okay' and it schedules
your phone to ring just after you meet your date.
If you like her, you just ignore your phone. If you
want to cut short the date, you answer with, "Mum?
What's the matter? Are you okey?"
It works every time, no worries.
So anyway, I knocked on the girls door and it turns
out I needn't have worried at all. She was absolutely
gorgeous and stunning.
But just when I was about to speak to her, her phone
rang. She answered it and said. "Mum? What's the matter?
Are you okey?"

[Forceuser]

House of the future

[whiteball]

An old, blind Marie named Johnny wonders into
an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot
of Jakes Daniels. After sitting there a while, he yells
to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him
says, "Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair,
given that you are blind, that you should know five
things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a
black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a
professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional
wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell
that blonde joke?"
The blind Marine Johnny thinks for a second, shakes
his head and mutters, "No... not if I'm gonna have to
explain it five times."

[joggon]

[joggon]

[whiteball]

A major international company was looking
to hire someone for an important position,
so they interviewed dozens of applicants
and narrowed their search down to three
people from different parts of the world.
In an attempt to pick one of them they
decided to give them all the same question
to answer within 24 hours, and the one with
the best answer would get the job.
The question was: A man and a woman are
in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side
with her back facing the man, and the man is
lying on his side facing the woman's back.
What is the man's name?
After the 24 hours was up, the three were
brought in to give their answers.
The first from Canada, says, "My answer is,
that there is no answer."
The second, from the United Kingdom, says,
"My answer is, that there is no way to determine
the answer with the information we were given."
The third one from Ireland says, "I'm not exactly
sure, but I have it narrowed down to names. It's
either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer."
The Irishman got the job...

[whiteball]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound
asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The

lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically
speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three
in the morning. Theologically, the lord is all-powerful and we are
small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a
beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo. It means someone stole the tent."