Joke of the day

[SteveB]

I was with an escort and there was a tap on the door.

It was just a plumber with an odd sense of humour.

[joggon]

Lewes , east Sussex UK . outside Tesco and there's a RBL table selling poppies at the entrance and there's two squaddies standing guard with baguettes in place of guns

[joggon]

[Barney Rubble]

Man that Jamie Bryson is a special kinda prick.

[whiteball]

Two old ladies are outside smoking a cigarette.
It starts raining and without hesitating one of
the ladies pulls a condom out of her purse and
covers the cigarette to keep it from getting wet.
The other lady thinks this is genius and walks to
the nearest pharmacy.
She grabs a pack of extra-large condoms and
proceeds to check-out.
The cashier says, "Ma'am, are you sure you need
these in extra-large?"
The old lady replies, "Well I'm not sure, do you
think they'll fit a camel?"

[whiteball]

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle,
she was attracted to him and during her
questions about his life, she asked him how
he had sex: "Tarzan not know sex!" He replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree!"
Horrified, she said. "Tarzan you have it all wrong,
but I will show you how to do it properly!"
She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground.
"Here!" She said. "You must put it in here!"
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his
huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick
right between her legs.
Jane rolled around in agony, but manages to gasp for
air screamed. "What did you do that for?"
"Tarzan check for bees!"

[joggon]

[joggon]

[whiteball]

A woman, pregnant with triplets, was caught
in the crossfire at a bank robbery and was shot
3 times in the stomach.
The Doctor, said it was too risky to operate and
chose to leave the bullets in. 16 years later one
of the girl's triplets went crying to her mum.
She asked what was wrong. The girl said: "I was
peeing and a bullet came out." So her mum told
her what happened 16 years earlier.
The next day the same thing happened with the
other girl triplet. So her mum told the same story
about the bank robbery. The day after, the boy
triplet goes crying to his mum. "Let me guess,"
she says, "you were peeing and a bullet came?!"
"No..." Replied the boy, "I was having a wank and
I shot the dog."

[joggon]