Joke of the day

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[SteveB]

[Floki]

If a man had to choose between his dog and his wife, I wonder how much the divorce would cost?

[SteveB]

If a man had to choose between his dog and his wife, I wonder how much the divorce would cost?

1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.

2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

5. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

7. A dog's parents never visit.

8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.

9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

11. Dogs seldom outlive you.

12. Dogs can't talk.

13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.

14. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24-hours a day.

15. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

16. Dogs like to go hunting.

17. Another man will seldom steal your dog.

18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you.

19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died would you get another dog?"

20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free.

21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

23. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.

24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad; they just think it's interesting.

25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.

26. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.

28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

29. Dogs are not allowed in Harrods or John Lewis.

30. If a dog leaves, it won't take half your stuff.

[SteveB]

Joke told by Fifa communications director Walter De Gregorio.
"The Fifa president, secretary general and communications director are all travelling in a car. Who's driving?
The police."

Fifa announced in a statement that De Gregorio had "relinquished his office". OOPS

[willie wacker]

[SteveB]

Quasimodo goes into an off-licence. Unfortunately the staff has difficulty in understanding him. They know he is looking a bottle of something so they point to various bottles. They point to bottles of beer. Nnn... nnh he says. They point to vodka. Again a negative grunt. Same with rum and brandy.
But when they point to whiskey he makes affirmative noises. Success!!!!!!!!
But which whiskey? Bushmills? No!
Jamison? No!
Jim Beam? No!
Jack Daniel's? No!
Coleraine Whiskey? No!
Powers? No!
Paddy? No!
Tullamore Dew? No!
Campbeltown? No!
Glen Scotia? No!
Hazelburn? No!
Kilkerran? No!
Longrow? No!
Springbank? No!
Finally, they give up. But all is not lost. Quasimodo, totally frustrated, is able to screech,






The Bells,.... The Bells.

[willie wacker]

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads...

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ATM of Greece