Joke of the day

[emmasweet]

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

[emmasweet]

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

[emmasweet]

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some flowers in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”
A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the entire back garden.”
The prisoner wrote another letter back: “Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the flower.”

[leroy]

3 little boys were discussing who's Daddy was the biggest
Scaredycat

first little boy said my Dads the biggest scaredycat as he went up to have a bath the other night and there was a spider in the bath and he wouldn't get in until mum went up and got rid of the spider,
................................
Second boy says mines my Dads the biggest scaredycat, as when we went camping the other week, my dad started screaming when he saw an earwig in the tent and wouldnt go in until it was removed..
...............................
Third little boy says that's nothing my Dads even more of a scaredycat than than as my mum went into hospital last night and my Dad was such a big scardycat that he wouldn't sleep alone even and slept with the woman next door

[UB40]

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam," she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..."He returns her gaze, "Anything?""Anything."His voice softens, "Anything?""Anything," she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study?"

[simplesimon]

At the national art gallery in Dublin, Ireland,a Canadian couple were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of them had black penises but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were haing trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of the black man in a predominately white society.
'In fact' he pointed out, 'Some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society'

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

'Now, why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the husband.
'Because im the man who painted it' he replied.

'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all.
They're just three irish coal miners.
The man in the middle went home for lunch.'

[UB40]

Mom:

Didn’t I tell you if any guy touches your boobs say "don’t" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?

Daughter:

But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"

[Galileo]

[emmasweet]

So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol.
He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!"
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out,
the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes.
Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt.
After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about
the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

[Forrest]

Hello Anon