Joke of the day

[La Toya]

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter the second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter the third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the dinner,shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."....!

[royaler]

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter the second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter the third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the dinner,shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."....!

Love it !!!

[Jiberjabber]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking the cognitive ability to speak or understand english. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly shits on the floor then gallops out the door, knocking over a few tables in the process.

[Forrest]

Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74
when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers,



past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either
so he asked..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe.... why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep,
lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies,
the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts.
You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

[wolfie]

A little boy with Diahorrea tells his mum he needs Viagra

His mum asks "why on earth do you need that?"

He replies "isn't that what you give dad when HIS shit wont get hard?"

[wolfie]

One day a guy goes into a pharmacy - reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the pharmacist
"Could you taste this for me, please?"
The pharmacist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says the guy.

"No, not at all," says the chemist.

"Oh that's a relief, ..................The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."

[Forrest]

A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.
The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry,
sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right
corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator'
for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with
his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record and he is in
danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks "Officer, is this a reasonable
facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.”
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
“Well, sir, you probably know your client better than I do.”

[Forrest]

Shakespeare's in love...



Very unprofessional....

[emmasweet]

A fifteen-year old boy walked into a pharmacy. "How much is it for one condom?", he asked the pharmacist. "Sorry, son, but they only come in packs of three and they're €3.50," said the pharmacist. "Darn," said the disappointed boy, "I don't have enough money. And today I was planning on getting lucky with my new girlfriend." "Well," said the pharmacist, "in that case you can take a box for free." "Gee, thanks!!!" yelled the boy as he dashed out the door holding the box of condoms.


That night, he was at his girlfriends' house, and everyone was seated at the dinner table, ready to eat. They all said grace with bowed heads, and then they began eating. As dinner progressed, the girl noticed that the boy's head was still bowed. "I didn't know you were so religious," she whispered to her young boyfriend, impressed.


"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist," was his reply.

[Dirty Harry]

man says to his son i've something to tell you...you were adopted.the son says thats impossible we look so alike.the dad says of course we do you stupid cunt we are chinese!