Guilt with punting / significant other

[denisthemenice]

So .. I'm going to throw this out there to see what people feel as personally, it has been bothering me. Guilt has overtaken my mind

Do you guys feel any sense of guilt towards your partner / significant other when punting ?

[Moocher]

I'll bite this.

No, I don't feel any guilt. I have had sex with my SO once in the last 15 years. I am currently trying to figure out why from her end. Any views , of the ladies in particular on this , would be very welcome. It's serious, so no 'craic ' please.

[AmorInfinito8]

I'll bite this.

No, I don't feel any guilt. I have had sex with my SO once in the last 15 years. I am currently trying to figure out why from her end. Any views , of the ladies in particular on this , would be very welcome. It's serious, so no 'craic ' please.

Once in 15 years!!!

your well overdue a sit down and conversation about your relationship!!

But with so much time lapsed that's probably not a realistic option anymore!?

I'd have had a heart to heart and if I couldn't see a future I'd have been well gone!!

Probably why I'm currently happily single

[bmw528]

Once in 15 years!!!

your well overdue a sit down and conversation about your relationship!!

But with so much time lapsed that's probably not a realistic option anymore!?

I'd have had a heart to heart and if I couldn't see a future I'd have been well gone!!

Probably why I'm currently happily single

Maybe the reason that he s still there is because he does care? I think there can be a good relationship without sex. As you say yourself, maybe because so much time has passed its hard to approach the subject. This situation seems to be pretty common around here. There are lots of different reasons why relationships can lack sex, i.e, health, self esteem, being too familiar with the person, not being able to perform the way we would with an escort. Just my own thoughts, I ve been there.

[Moocher]

Maybe the reason that he s still there is because he does care? I think there can be a good relationship without sex. As you say yourself, maybe because so much time has passed its hard to approach the subject. This situation seems to be pretty common around here. There are lots of different reasons why relationships can lack sex, i.e, health, self esteem, being too familiar with the person, not being able to perform the way we would with an escort. Just my own thoughts, I ve been there.

Bang on Sir. I can't envisage my life without her, it's as simple as that. I never see sex as something that you 'get' from your SO. It should be a shared experience , like so many other things in life. However, a lack of intimacy does I believe just does lead to strains in other facets of the relationship and thats the pity, an unnecessary pity.

[Silvergrey25]

Bang on Sir. I can't envisage my life without her, it's as simple as that. I never see sex as something that you 'get' from your SO. It should be a shared experience , like so many other things in life. However, a lack of intimacy does I believe just does lead to strains in other facets of the relationship and thats the pity, an unnecessary pity.

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Yer dead right , I totally concur Beemer is a gem and a gentleman.

[Silvergrey25]

I'll bite this.

No, I don't feel any guilt. I have had sex with my SO once in the last 15 years. I am currently trying to figure out why from her end. Any views , of the ladies in particular on this , would be very welcome. It's serious, so no 'craic ' please.

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One of the truths of relationships is that is about compromise, if you are happy with everything else. One person can't be everything to you. It's an unrealistic expectation and a balancing act is required, attraction is essential though, may I ask are enough of both your needs being met in other aspects to make that compromise worthwhile ?
Once in 15 years is indicative of underlying issues though, it's a subject that needs to be broached one way or another. Apologies if this comes across as preaching , not my intention

[WeeJimmy]

yes I do but then my GF knows about it, at the end of the day its just sex and was walking with my GF in the country last night and saw a Bull in the field and he had about 140 GF's around him and they all seem to be getting along splendid so whats the big deal

[IrishJohnSmyth]

I wonder how common it is for the SO to be aware of or even encourage this in a sexless marriage. I look here and haven't partaken yet so I do wonder if the guilt would be too much

[IAmLIAm]

I'll bite this.

No, I don't feel any guilt. I have had sex with my SO once in the last 15 years. I am currently trying to figure out why from her end. Any views , of the ladies in particular on this , would be very welcome. It's serious, so no 'craic ' please.

Without knowing any particulars (and we definitely shouldn't) it's hard to say. As others have stated, there are a plethora of reasons as to why sex may become a low priority; age, health, comfort of the act. Sometimes people just get to the point where sex doesn't matter anymore. Obviously in a relationship it's hard to navigate that when it's only happening on one side.

Sex is one of those things in life that feeds on itself. Having sex tends to breed a desire to continue having sex. If circumstances in life take priority over sex and sex is left on the back burner long enough some people learn to live and become happy without it.

15 years is a long time to deal with that situation. Long enough for "stay together for the kids" to have run out. I'm inclined to think there is fulfillment in the other aspects of the relationship.

All I can say is that you know your relationship better than any of us. But, I'd recommend talking to her, let her know how the lack of sex affects you. If you've been putting on a "brave face", she might not even realize it's as big a deal as it is.

You could even frame it as a "I'd like to rekindle the passion" conversation if you don't want her to know it's been a decade and a half inner turmoil for you. Maybe she'll be willing to explore that part of herself again if you remind her how physically and emotionally satisfying it is...

Best of luck however you choose to proceed.