I need a new car

[ladiesman217]

Advice. Recommendations. Details. Data. Give me data.

So why am I getting rid of the LDM-Mobile? Cos the feckin' thing's on its last legs, the old banger of a thing, and it'd be cheaper to buy a new car than get the old wreck fixed.

What do I want? A car that goes from A -> B and back again.

You want electric? FUCK NO! THEY'RE SCAMS! All that save the planet stuff is BS, cos all the pollution is caused in mining all the lithium and cobalt for the batteries - not to mention the horrific human rights violations those "workers" are put under. Plus I'm 70% convinced that it's all an elaborate plan from the world economic forum to control the masses by controlling the electrical grids.

Plug in? I'll consider it. There's still the ethical mining thing about it, but if it saves some money feeding it in the short term, then at least in the long term I can still use petrol/diesel once Skynet take over the world!

Petrol/Diesel? Petrol preferably, I don't do a lot of mileage and the daily commute is fairly short so petrol would be grand. Trying to save the pennies on fuel as well ya know, and road tax.

Car size? I don't want a tiny yoke like a Yaris. I don't want a huge SUV like a Land Cruiser. A nice sedan or one of them compact SUVs, like the Kia Niro. Willing to compromise if there's a nice hatchback.

Price? Preferably less than €30k, but unlikely given this economy. So realistically less than €40k. Possibly willing to sell arm and leg to go up to €50k but that's it.

Trade in? Naturally, BUT NONE OF YOUR FECKIN' BEES-WAX HOW MUCH THE VALUE IS!

Brand? Not Mazda. Fucking hate Mazda. Nissan too. Shitty cars. And Skoda. Everything else is fair game. Except Audi. And BMW. And Mercedez. Cos they all think they own the roads and the rules don't apply to them. They're all cunts.

"But I drive an Audi/BMW/Mercedez!" - Then you're a cunt, sorry.

And yes, I realise I already discounted myself from the '3 musketeers' given my price constraints - kiss my fat hairy ass, I'm sure it cares.

Btw anyone who recommends a Ford Kuga is just ASKING to be shot in face with a water pistol filled with cow dung diluted in water.