Crap joke of the day

[whiteball]

Husband admiring his naked body
in the mirror, says to his wife: Look
at that 14 stone of pure dynamite,"
Wife replies: "Fucking shame about
the 2-inch fuse!"

[whiteball]

MARRIAGE TIP:
Always make sure SOMEONE in the
relationship has good credit. That's
why it's called SIGNIFICANT other.
Sign-if-I-can't.

[whiteball]

We're expecting such a cold winter,
the squirrels are collecting more nuts
than usual. So fare three of my relatives
have disappeared.

[whiteball]

Husband buys his son an iPAD,
daughter an iPOD, himself an
iPHONE and his wife an iRON.
She wasn't impressed even after
he explained it can be Interated
with the iWASH, iCOOK, iCLEAN
network. this triggered the iNAG
service, which totally wiped out
the iSHAG function.

[whiteball]

I asked this lady could I touch
her hair. She said yes. So I ran
my finger across her top lip and
that's how the fight got started.

[whiteball]

After all these years my wife still
thinks I'm sexy, every time I walk
by she says, "What an Ass."

[whiteball]

I helped my neighbour out with something
this morning and she said to me, "I could
marry you."
I couldn't believe it.... You do something
nice for someone and they threaten to ruin
your life in return.

[whiteball]

Ok, so naked running. Apparently
this means running without GPS,
music and any other Tech.
I wish I knew this an hour ago.

[whiteball]

I bought a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said, "Remove cap and
push up bottom."
It hurts to walk, but whenever I fart, the
room smells lovely.

[whiteball]

Shaving with a razor takes a lot
of courage.
I used to shave my privates with
one... But I don't have the balls to
do that anymore.