Tom RAMBO The most magical man...............

[nonpareil]

ah yes. The great tom rambo. A man will should all aspire to be like. In between his golloping of lebanese cuisine ,he takes time away from us all to praise the good lord himself. He reminds me of the story of the cardinal visiting his old school.

It was a roman catholic primary school and the kids were all in the eight year age group. The teacher says today is a very important day in the history of this school isnt it? Yes miss.

John why is it an important day in the history of this school?

Because miss, a cardinal is coming all the ways from rome to see us.

Thats right and whats so special about this cardinal peter?

Plz miss, he was a pupil in this school when he was a small boy.

Thats right. The cardinal was pupil in this scholl and in this very class when he was a little boy and he is coming all the ways from rome to see us so I want you to be at your best behaviour. There is ont one thing I want you to remember and thats how to address a cardinal. We call him your Eminence.what do we call him?

Your Eminence miss.

Thats great and it wont be long now till he arrives.

The majic moment arrives and in he hoovers.

Oh hello your Eminence ,its great to have you here.

Thats fine ,do you mind if I speak with the children?

Oh carryon your Eminence.

He goes over to the first boy.

Whats your name son?

Peter your Eminence.

So what do you want to be when your a big boy Peter?

I'd like to be an Engineer your Eminence.

Oh did you hear that boys and girls? He wants to look after the world that god gave us. Very clever men Engineers. Good man peter.

Hello boy, whats your name?

John , your Eminence.

What do you want to be when your a little boy John?

Id like to be a plumber your Eminence?

A plumber? Why do you want to be a plumber John?

Because my daddy is a plumber your Eminence.

Oh did you hear that boys and girls? He wants to follow in his fathers footsteps. Does that remind you of anyone?

No your Eminence.

What about Jesus?

Oh yes your Eminence.Forgot your Eminence.

Well you wont forget again will you? He's nailed to the wall to remind you for christs sake.

He goes over to another little boy.

Hello son.

Hi.

Whats your name?

My name is West your Eminence.

And what would you like to be when your a big boy west?

Ah fuck off eh.

What?

I said fuck off ,are you deaf as well as daft?

You scoundrel, your horrid horrid boy! I was a pupil is this same school , in fact at that self same desk but I didnt sit there interfering with myself and being rude to the guests? No, I worked hard and went to a posh school where I worked even harder and went to college and became a priest. Two years later I was a parish priest. Did I rest on my laurels? No such thing. I haunted the libraries of this land reading everything I could get my hands on and writting in the margins. They made me a canon ,made me a Monsignor. I went to Paris to study. Five years later I was a Bishop, three years later, an Archbishop. They sent from Rome for me so I could go and study at the feet of the holy father.They made me a cardinal. I was in the jury that elected the last pope. And your telling me to fuck off? You go and FUCK OFF!!!!

Westside.

And West grew up to be a bollix.