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A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road. The wife gets out and brings it back to the car. "We need to take it to a vet. Its shivering, it must be cold, what should I do?" she asks. Husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." "But it stinks!" she exclaims. "So hold its nose!"
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adrienn (22-01-15), JAMESCORK (23-01-15), Playitsam (23-01-15)
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Originally Posted by
Best Before
Welcome back Rach xx
I was never gone. x
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typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not."
Some people are such treasures that you just want to bury them 
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The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to adrienn For This Useful Post:
bettercallsaul (22-01-15), SteveB (22-01-15)
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A man comes home early from work and shouts, "Honey, I'm home!" No reply. So he goes upstairs and calls from the landing, "Honey, I am home," but still no reply. Frustrated, he goes into the bedroom and finds his wife on the bed, stark naked. "Oh Norman, I didn't expect you this early," she says, holding her chest and breathing heavily. He thinks she is having an heart attack and runs downstairs to ring for an ambulance. He starts dialing the emergency number when his young daughter starts pulling at his jacket. "Dad," she says. "Dad," she says again. "What is it? I'm busy," he says. "Uncle Jack is in the wardrobe with no clothes on," she tells him. He drops the phone and runs back to the bedroom. "You bastard, you f**king bastard," he shouts angrily at Norman. "You bastard! My wife is having a heart attack and you are going around scaring the kids!"
Some people are such treasures that you just want to bury them
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The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to adrienn For This Useful Post:
bettercallsaul (22-01-15), JAMESCORK (23-01-15)
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A little boy and girl are sitting in a bathtub together. The girl looks down and asks, "Can I touch it?" The boy replies, "No, you already broke yours off!"
Some people are such treasures that you just want to bury them
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A father caught his 10 year-old son masturbating. The father showed the son a tree with a perfect hole and said to use that tree hole instead of masturbating. Eight years pass and since the son has been using the tree, he's still a virgin. His dad decides to take him to a whore house on his 18th birthday. So Tommy goes upstairs with a prostitute while his dad is having some some drinks with the girls downstairs. The next thing you know they hear a loud scream coming from upstairs; the dad and other girls run upstairs and see the son with a broom. The father asks, "What are you doing with that broom, son?" He replies, "To check for squirrels."
Some people are such treasures that you just want to bury them
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bettercallsaul (22-01-15), JAMESCORK (23-01-15), SmallHorn (22-01-15), SophieX (22-01-15), willie wacker (22-01-15)
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aliciasexy (23-01-15), willie wacker (21-01-15)
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" WE ARE CONNACHT "
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A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''
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The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to bettercallsaul For This Useful Post:
Catriona (21-01-15), Playitsam (23-01-15), willie wacker (21-01-15)
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