Q - How many englishman does it take to stop a train?
A - NOT ENOUGH!!!


Why did the sun never set on the British Empire?
Because not even God could trust them in the dark.


Any crisis, large or small, can be dealt with in Britain
by following the standard government four-stage plan. The
press releases for this are as follows:

1. "We don't think there is a problem. No action needs
to be taken."

2. "There may be a slight problem, but it's not our place
to try to do anything about it."

3. "There may well be a problem, but we must consider all
possible courses of action and not rush into anything."

4. "Well, perhaps we could have done something, but it's
too late now!"


Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man.
One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over
to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder, "Hey, I
hear your St. Patrick was a sissy."
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."
Puzzled the English man walked back to his buddies.
"I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn't care!"
"You just don't know how to set him off, watch and learn."
The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish
man on the shoulder.
"I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!"
"Oh, wow, I didn't know that, thank you."
Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his
buddies. "You're right, he is unshakable!"
The third English man said, "No, no, no, I will really
piss him off, you just watch."
The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him
on the shoulder and aid, "I hear your St. Patrick was an
English man!"
"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

Paws