Why?

[shadey]

OK, this might be a stream of consciousness here, but please bare with me. I expect humorous and unhelpful banter taking the piss out of my self indulgent nonsense, but I'm hoping for some constructive comment, so that I might understand what the f@#k I am at.

I am 38 years old. I am happily married with two kids. I am very attracted to my wife physically, we have a good sex life. We dont have sex as often as I would like, but she doesnt turn down advances so it is nobodys fault. I have been masturbating pretty regularly since I was about 12. I masturbate when she sleeps, looking at porn on my phone, for example.

I always come when I have sex with my wife. She usually comes first, but arousal and climax is never an issue.

A while back, probably 18 months ago or so, I registered on a dating type site. I ended up meeting a married lady about my age. We had coffee. There was some attraction, in truth a little more her side than mine. After another while chatting online we met up in a hotel and had sex. I didnt find her as attractive as my wife and I did not come.

I heard somewhere about this site. I started to view profiles & read reviews. It was more curiosity than anything. Then I got it into my head that as a life experience I should try it to see how it goes. I went to a girl with no English, I was dead nervous. I couldnt get into it at all. aka I could not get it up. I left.

I have just been to another escourt, earlier this evening. I was determined to give it another go. Why? Who cares if I couldnt get it up for an escourt. Apparently I do. But I dont understand why. So this time was like the last. She had a cracking body but it was just so mechanical and so un-stimulating.

Are there guys not cut out for this lark?

Why am I so determined to "succeed" at this?

Has anyone had similar experiences?

I think the answers are as simple as they are complex of origin. From a broken family, survived by ignoring/diluting reality and used masturbation and other withrawal methods to keep afloat. And now seemingly helll-bent on fuckign all that is good and beautiful in my life. Admittedly, of late, I have been having a few difficulties but the meeting with the married girl preceeded this.

Maybe it is just a mid-life crisis. Maybe it is typical destructive behaviour based on unresolved issues. I dont know.

But why do other people go punting? Do people with a healthy and fulfilling home sex life do it, and if so why? Apart from reasons like variety etc.

I left this evening deciding that punting is not for me. I dont know why, in a way I want to know why. In a way I think it could be for me. In a way I think I am determined to fuck up all that is good in my life.

So can anyone empathise, and perhaps shed light or understanding to this ranting drivel?

From an escourts perspective, is there a short-list of why people punt? Why do people on here punt? In general, the girls are way prettier than the guys, in better shape etc. So, when on a punt, do the guys actually believe the escourt is into it? I know in some cases the escourt gets into it, but I imagine that is the exception rather than the rule. I dont expect escourts to admit this, punters might do so more freely, but I have my doubts.

So what is going through a punters head when doing the biz. How do they get beyond the fact that their partner is acting (in most cases), and wouldnt go near them in the real world.

Who punts? Is it middle aged men with unattractive wives, horny guys in their twenties, older men with incontinent wives. Sorry.

I have lost my train of thought. I just wish I understood better why I am going to escourts. Or how to get out of this self-destructive approach. In a way I think I need to re-wire how I think, and to go to sex-addicts meetings or counselling or something. I want to be rid of this self destructive bullshit that I am actually getting nothing out of but insist on continuing. I am completely blessed to have got away with it so far, but I know that it wont last. If I understand why I amy better understand how to stop. Any ideas welcome. Expecting some fairly nasty type replies, but I post with sincerity.

[FullLife]

Yeah, I honestly think punting isn't for you.
Maybe some of your other ideas at getting some help are probably the way to go.
You befriended Laura Boldrini... maybe that's a clue? Dunno...

[Chutney]

You say that your wife doesn't turn down advances, and yet your drive seems greater than hers so you must be holding back, and hence the frustration.
There is loads of helpful advice available on the net these days, go back to seduction, roleplay etc and make time for each other exclusively, but most of all, talk.

[Curvaceous Kate]

I think your continued curiousity towards Escorts is due to macho pride. An area where you normally don't fail, has been compromised and now it feels like 'unfinished business', as you have to prove your masculinity to yourself that you can fulfil the needs of an Escort. The truth is (judging by your comments) that you need mental stimulation, as well as physical and you need chemistry and desire in equal measures. The odds of you getting this with a total stranger is very low.

With regards to your wife and marriage, yes you are needlessly playing with fire. She is obviously right for you and if you are not careful you are going to find yourself spending the rest of it not being able to cum with random women that don't do it for you. Instead of looking else where to fill the gap, do as Chutney says. There are ways to do this without making a big thing out of it. Here is an idea...

two pieces of paper and two pens. One of each for both of you. You both write 5 things you would like to do with the other person. This does not have to be sex related, but of course can be. You don't have to do it on the spot, but make it timed or it may never happen. Then swap papers and you have to pick at least one thing off the list you are willing to do with the other person.

Often the problem within relationships is communication based. We think we know the other person better than we do and miss out on sharing things together that we might enjoy. You might be surprised at the option she chooses to agree to and she might even agree to more after that. On the other hand, you may be surprised by what she would like from you. Whatever the options are they are for things to do together, so can't be crap like, mowing the lawn, unless you are doing the gardening together. It's for things to do when the children are looked after else where or asleep.

Try it, you never know, it might just do the trick.

[Lucy Chambers]

OK, this might be a stream of consciousness here, but please bare with me. I expect humorous and unhelpful banter taking the piss out of my self indulgent nonsense, but I'm hoping for some constructive comment, so that I might understand what the f@#k I am at.

I am 38 years old. I am happily married with two kids. I am very attracted to my wife physically, we have a good sex life. We dont have sex as often as I would like, but she doesnt turn down advances so it is nobodys fault. I have been masturbating pretty regularly since I was about 12. I masturbate when she sleeps, looking at porn on my phone, for example.

I always come when I have sex with my wife. She usually comes first, but arousal and climax is never an issue.

A while back, probably 18 months ago or so, I registered on a dating type site. I ended up meeting a married lady about my age. We had coffee. There was some attraction, in truth a little more her side than mine. After another while chatting online we met up in a hotel and had sex. I didnt find her as attractive as my wife and I did not come.

I heard somewhere about this site. I started to view profiles & read reviews. It was more curiosity than anything. Then I got it into my head that as a life experience I should try it to see how it goes. I went to a girl with no English, I was dead nervous. I couldnt get into it at all. aka I could not get it up. I left.

I have just been to another escourt, earlier this evening. I was determined to give it another go. Why? Who cares if I couldnt get it up for an escourt. Apparently I do. But I dont understand why. So this time was like the last. She had a cracking body but it was just so mechanical and so un-stimulating.

Are there guys not cut out for this lark?

Why am I so determined to "succeed" at this?

Has anyone had similar experiences?

I think the answers are as simple as they are complex of origin. From a broken family, survived by ignoring/diluting reality and used masturbation and other withrawal methods to keep afloat. And now seemingly helll-bent on fuckign all that is good and beautiful in my life. Admittedly, of late, I have been having a few difficulties but the meeting with the married girl preceeded this.

Maybe it is just a mid-life crisis. Maybe it is typical destructive behaviour based on unresolved issues. I dont know.

But why do other people go punting? Do people with a healthy and fulfilling home sex life do it, and if so why? Apart from reasons like variety etc.

I left this evening deciding that punting is not for me. I dont know why, in a way I want to know why. In a way I think it could be for me. In a way I think I am determined to fuck up all that is good in my life.

So can anyone empathise, and perhaps shed light or understanding to this ranting drivel?

From an escourts perspective, is there a short-list of why people punt? Why do people on here punt? In general, the girls are way prettier than the guys, in better shape etc. So, when on a punt, do the guys actually believe the escourt is into it? I know in some cases the escourt gets into it, but I imagine that is the exception rather than the rule. I dont expect escourts to admit this, punters might do so more freely, but I have my doubts.

So what is going through a punters head when doing the biz. How do they get beyond the fact that their partner is acting (in most cases), and wouldnt go near them in the real world.

Who punts? Is it middle aged men with unattractive wives, horny guys in their twenties, older men with incontinent wives. Sorry.

I have lost my train of thought. I just wish I understood better why I am going to escourts. Or how to get out of this self-destructive approach. In a way I think I need to re-wire how I think, and to go to sex-addicts meetings or counselling or something. I want to be rid of this self destructive bullshit that I am actually getting nothing out of but insist on continuing. I am completely blessed to have got away with it so far, but I know that it wont last. If I understand why I amy better understand how to stop. Any ideas welcome. Expecting some fairly nasty type replies, but I post with sincerity.

Bored people and lonely people, happy people and sad people. Everyone has there own reasons for seeing escorts really. The majority of married people so that they can have extra marital sex without the affair, and single people so they can have sex without courting and complications.

I do know someone who went for treatment for sex addiction. They found it effective but did have to take some anti depressant type medication also, so that would need great thought, you may face questions about why you have been prescribed such drugs and the side effects may be an issue. The important thing to remember is that if you want to change something, the first step is admitting there is a problem. So well done you.

PM me if you need further information on counselling and so on

[pez]

I think punting is not for you. I think you feel guilty cheating on your wife and it is stopping you from going through with having sex with another woman. Be careful or it may effect you when you are with her! I'm married too but i seem to be able to seperate the two scenarios. Yes I feel some guilt but usually later on. I wish you luck and think carefully about what you do as it sounds to me that you have a lot to lose.

[very shy guy]

Just read your post Shadey and Pez's reply,I think he is near the truth that you feel guilty cheating on your wife,have a long hard think about what you are doing,could you live without your wife ?,if not you owe it to both of you to sort things out.

[Westsidex]

OK, this might be a stream of consciousness here, but please bare with me. I expect humorous and unhelpful banter taking the piss out of my self indulgent nonsense, but I'm hoping for some constructive comment, so that I might understand what the f@#k I am at.

I am 38 years old. I am happily married with two kids. I am very attracted to my wife physically, we have a good sex life. We dont have sex as often as I would like, but she doesnt turn down advances so it is nobodys fault. I have been masturbating pretty regularly since I was about 12. I masturbate when she sleeps, looking at porn on my phone, for example.

I always come when I have sex with my wife. She usually comes first, but arousal and climax is never an issue.

A while back, probably 18 months ago or so, I registered on a dating type site. I ended up meeting a married lady about my age. We had coffee. There was some attraction, in truth a little more her side than mine. After another while chatting online we met up in a hotel and had sex. I didnt find her as attractive as my wife and I did not come.

I heard somewhere about this site. I started to view profiles & read reviews. It was more curiosity than anything. Then I got it into my head that as a life experience I should try it to see how it goes. I went to a girl with no English, I was dead nervous. I couldnt get into it at all. aka I could not get it up. I left.

I have just been to another escourt, earlier this evening. I was determined to give it another go. Why? Who cares if I couldnt get it up for an escourt. Apparently I do. But I dont understand why. So this time was like the last. She had a cracking body but it was just so mechanical and so un-stimulating.

Are there guys not cut out for this lark?

Why am I so determined to "succeed" at this?

Has anyone had similar experiences?

I think the answers are as simple as they are complex of origin. From a broken family, survived by ignoring/diluting reality and used masturbation and other withrawal methods to keep afloat. And now seemingly helll-bent on fuckign all that is good and beautiful in my life. Admittedly, of late, I have been having a few difficulties but the meeting with the married girl preceeded this.

Maybe it is just a mid-life crisis. Maybe it is typical destructive behaviour based on unresolved issues. I dont know.

But why do other people go punting? Do people with a healthy and fulfilling home sex life do it, and if so why? Apart from reasons like variety etc.

I left this evening deciding that punting is not for me. I dont know why, in a way I want to know why. In a way I think it could be for me. In a way I think I am determined to fuck up all that is good in my life.

So can anyone empathise, and perhaps shed light or understanding to this ranting drivel?

From an escourts perspective, is there a short-list of why people punt? Why do people on here punt? In general, the girls are way prettier than the guys, in better shape etc. So, when on a punt, do the guys actually believe the escourt is into it? I know in some cases the escourt gets into it, but I imagine that is the exception rather than the rule. I dont expect escourts to admit this, punters might do so more freely, but I have my doubts.

So what is going through a punters head when doing the biz. How do they get beyond the fact that their partner is acting (in most cases), and wouldnt go near them in the real world.

Who punts? Is it middle aged men with unattractive wives, horny guys in their twenties, older men with incontinent wives. Sorry.

I have lost my train of thought. I just wish I understood better why I am going to escourts. Or how to get out of this self-destructive approach. In a way I think I need to re-wire how I think, and to go to sex-addicts meetings or counselling or something. I want to be rid of this self destructive bullshit that I am actually getting nothing out of but insist on continuing. I am completely blessed to have got away with it so far, but I know that it wont last. If I understand why I amy better understand how to stop. Any ideas welcome. Expecting some fairly nasty type replies, but I post with sincerity.

I read about half of this and then when I realized it was another person looking to ease their mind for cheating so I stopped. You cheated on your wife and its wrecked your head. Proper order.

regards,
Westside.

[guruface]

wow man, sounds like you have alot to lose there.
you are right when you say that some people are not cut out for this, you have to be able to make the distinction between sex that is paid for and sex that is not, that is to say, this is a business and we are the clients, so a certain amount of acting has to be involved at times to make the encounter satisfying for all. Of course these women would never go near me in the real world, that is the whole point of paying for it!
Men (and women) of all ages, shapes sizes and backgrounds punt, for some its just a normal part of their sexuality, it cancels out the hassels of dating, and the experiences are usually positive ones.
To me it seems like guilt is holding you back, honestly your wife sounds like a lovely person and doesn't deserve to be cheated on, and I think you know that which is probably why you had the problems you did when you went with those other women, and Curvaceous Kate is right, your pride was hurt by your first experience so you are trying to re-assert masculinity by "succeeding" with an escort. I actually admire your honesty, and I think that your marriage sounds like something that is worth working on so if I were you I would look into that. I am also from a broken family background, and I'd say you know as well as I do the damage that could be done to your wife and kids by something like this coming out, so if you want honest advice and you really want to be rid of what you see to be self destructive behaviour patterns I would head to the Doc and get a referral to a counsellor, although it sounds like you have alot of the problems already sussed, they can help you with a treatment plan and sometimes its even good just to talk it out with someone.

Best of luck.

[mymann]

SHADEY, if you do not get excitement and pulses racing out of meeting escorts, tnen i dont think punting is for you.
You seem to have a good relationship with your wife and i think KATE gave you good advice.I wish you the best